How to Move Successfully: Shakira and Big Guy-Style

Big Guy starts barking orders immediately Saturday morning. I'm still hungover from shutting down Jimmy's Irish Lair the night before at Shakira's Bon Voyage Bash.

"Huh?" I ask, facedown in the pillow.

"Call a cab-we left the car downtown last night," Big Guy tells me. He's already up and dressed.

"Oh yeah. Now I remember." More>>

Why Buy the Cow When You Can Get the Milk for Free? (and other unsolicited advice)

Welcome to Lubbock! My first eyebrow wax (yes, this was on the move-in list; I was feeling inhuman) is performed by a nice lady we'll call Opinionated Ophelia. O2 starts asking questions, mainly about Big Guy.

"Who is he? Where does he work? What's his last name? Who's his mother? What is his favorite color?"

I answer with fear in my heart. More>>

Heinz 57: It Ain't Just Ketchup
I'm making jokes about my out of control eyebrows. "I'll be in here all the time! Get used to me!" And my immoral lifestyle.

"Oh, I have a client whose father is Indian and her mother is from New York," O2 says. "She has it worse than you."

Hmmm. Is New Yorker an ethnicity I didn't know about? Renowned for their dark, thick hair?

"Oh, well, I'm half Mexican and one quarter Italian," I reply, going for ultimate shock value. More>>

Fashion Victim Question of the Week: Are Capri Pants Still "In?" (Seriously, do I look like an idiot when I wear these?)

Drunk Term of the Week: bamboozled. See if YOU can get bamboozled this weekend, or correctly identify someone who is.

-Shakira 06.02.03