Observations: Flying is Not Only Weird, but Sometimes Scary

So I'm sitting in the front row of this tiny plane, and I can hear the flight attendants discussing whether or not they can let some standbys on the plane. (Why so many pilots are deadheading to Appleton, Wisconsin is beyond me.) But the problem with the standbys? Weight limit. Ohhhh yeah, you heard right. We're talking about whether or not the plane is too heavy to get off the ground.

"How much do you weigh?" the pert blonde flight attendant, who we'll call Blondie, asks one of the pilots.

"About one fifty-six," he answers and she nods.

What does that mean? Are we going to quibble over 156 vs. 180? How many pounds really make a difference?

The pilot sitting next to me is told he can't stay on board. A short man with a clipboard (is that Tattoo?) boards the plane, telling the deplaning pilot he can wait just a minute. Tattoo confers with Blondie, who keeps spilling things in the galley. Is she drunk? How about the pilots in the cockpit? We have at least two in the cabin. Were they all in the bar together?

Blondie and Tattoo put their heads together for a moment. Tattoo is scratching at his clipboard with a pencil. They figure these intricate weight calculations with a paper and pencil? Excellent. Perhaps I should offer Tattoo the use of the calculator on my phone.

The pilot who had to leave is brought back on, and it appears that Tattoo's algebraic equations have been completed and we can go. However, it appears that we are driving to Appleton. Endless taxiing ensues.

Finally there's a pilot on the PA. (Is there a pilot actually in the cockpit?) "Well, folks, it looks like the folks who figure our weight calculations have made a couple mistakes. We'll be heading back to the gate to drop off some bags."

Um, excuse me. Whose bags? How do they decide? Before I can work myself up in too much of a panic, we've dropped the bags off and we're back out on the runway. This time he revs up the engines and then pops the clutch. We're off like a shot. Uggghhh. I hope we make it.