They do run into one of El Dilector's friends, who is hanging out with his wife. She has deemed herself the Goddess of Happiness, but they sort of feel maybe she is the Goddess of Dread. She puts FREE flowers behind their ears-a daisy for her "fair-haired maiden," and a carnation for the "raven-haired beauty."

"Dude, this chick is weird," Gigi mutters. "Let's run away."

The girls leave with their Flowers of Love, drinking their Alcohol of Lost Inhibitions. They find another friend who offers to share his poncho-for FREE. The girls promise to give the poncho back after the party. Ooops. It's still in Gigi's car.

Shakira's carnation isn't working behind the ear, so she puts it in her shirt instead. Thinking better of that decision, she removes the Carnation of Love from her cleavage when a random Hip-Hop Dork sees her. Misunderstanding her intent, he reaches for his fly, at which point Shakira looks away with disgust.

"Ewww, I think he's taking IT OUT!" she says to Gigi.

Hip-Hop Dork walks by and says, "Hey girl, you should watch your eyelids; you know, keep the focus." What does that mean?

Darkness falls and the crowds disperse. Shakira and Gigi are happy they do not have to ride the yellow school bus home. The party isn't over for them! Time to go downtown. Gigi is intent on hitting the cheesy piano bar!

The night starts off well with Rock Star Parking in the FREE garage. FREE is the theme of the evening! They are walking down the street when a pedicab driver begins to circle, much like a shark.

"Hey, want a ride? It's FREE for pretty girls."

"Well, then, we fit the bill!" Shakira exclaims, and they climb aboard. They love the pedicab and wave like beauty queens on a parade float. As Pedicab Boy drops them off, he starts telling Gigi about his band.

"Look for me on the Austin Music Network," he says. "I'm gonna be huge!"

"Great! See you later!"

They proceed to Cheesy Piano Bar and there's a cover, but Cashier Girl says, "It's FREE for you two."

"Woohoo!" the girls cry, and run inside to the bar. Unfortunately, the first round of extremely weak drinks is not FREE. But the piano tunes are alive and the girls find a front-row seat to enjoy all the action.

Gigi goes to the back bar to ogle the bartender in a cowboy hat. She thinks he is one hot stallion! He must be reading her thoughts, because when she gets up to the bar, he says:

"I can't kiss you now, because your friends are watching. But later…"

"Okay," she agrees, and grabs the FREE round of drinks.

Oh, it's getting fun in here. The girls belt "Livin' on a Prayer" in rapture. It's pure musical magic, that Jon Bon Jovi. Suddenly, a new group of menz takes notice of the G&S aura.

"Can I buy you girls a drink?"

"That means it's FREE!" Shakira observes. "Hell yeah!"

This starts a rather favorable trend of FREE drinks for the G&S girls. Everyone wants to buy them a round, including the piano player. Bitter Married Guy sidles up to Shakira and starts asking her questions. Lame ones like this:

"Where do you work? What is the difference between marketing and advertising? Do you know who Selena is? What's a good bar to go to?"

Shakira has one question: "Where's your wife?" and cocks an eyebrow at his wedding ring. Apparently she has touched a nerve.

Bitter Married Guy asks bitterly, "How many FREE drinks have you scored tonight?"

"Just one," Shakira replies. She is lying. But who cares? She's drunk!

"Whatever!" he says, and turns back to his Bud Light. What the hell? Gigi, Shakira, and Bitter Married Guy debate FREE Drink Etiquette. According to Bitter Married Guy, accepting a FREE drink means accepting sex with the buyer of the drink.

"Do you think your friend spending four-fifty to buy me a light and refreshing vanilla Stoli and Coke means I should sleep with him?" Gigi asks, pissed off. "He bought you one too-does that mean we're having a threesome?"

Bitter Married Guy gets up and leaves, but his friend buys another round. FREE drinks!

Suddenly, Shakira spots FratBoy Slim. "GIGI! That's Fratboy Slim!"

Gigi whips her head around, asking, "Who?" She stares at him and shrugs, "Who is that guy?"

"It's Sad Eyes, Turn the Other Way's sidekick, remember?"

"Ohhhhh." Recognition dawns on Gigi's face, followed quickly by alarm.

It turns out Frat and Sad Eyes are having a wrap party for a movie Sad Eyes has been working on: The Alamo. Hey, wrap party means FREE drinks! The girls immediately set out to reconnect with their old friends. Gigi grabs Frat outside in the courtyard and jabs him in the chest.

"I know you! We fooled around once! You gave me a FREE book afterwards. It was a good one. The rest was just…ehh." Gigi is drunk. Shakira thinks the answer to this is more FREE drinks, and searches for Sad Eyes, who has a tab at the bar. By the time Sad Eyes has procured drinks and made his way back, Shakira has asked three extras, "Are YOU Colonel William B. Travis?" and Frat has explained to her: "You were the one Sad Eyes loved." Oh Jesus. This night is spinning out of control.

Speaking of spinning, Gigi comes tripping by with her newest conquest: a 21-year-old actor. He was born in 1982! The year E.T. came out. She is giving Shakira signs, but Shakira is too drunk to receive them. Is she trying to get rid of this guy or does she like him? Shakira cannot tell and knocks back another FREE drink.

Twenty-one and Gigi have a lovers' spat. He's offended that she would write him off so quickly solely based on his age.

"So you're just writing me off?" he asks, flailing his arms dramatically.

"Uh, yeah. Sorry," Gigi responds, and Shakira hands her another FREE drink as Twenty-one stalks off to dry his tears. Frat swoops in.

"You're really hot; I don't remember you being this hot!" he says eloquently.

Gigi contemplates throwing her drink on him, but she doesn't want to waste FREE alcohol. Sad Eyes just continues to look sad.

A cute guy makes his way through the crowd. He puts an arm around Gigi and an arm around Shakira and says: "Excuse me ladies," as he goes behind the bar. Sad Eyes informs the girls (sadly) that the cute man in question was the legendary Jason Patric.

"Fabulous!" Gigi exclaims.

"Dude, wasn't he married to Julia Roberts?" Shakira wonders, looking for another vanilla Stoli and Coke.

Sad Eyes and Frat invite the girls to an after-party given by the show's director? Who knows? All the girls know is that it's time for more FREE stuff and they are IN! They travel with several other film artistes up the street to the Brown Building. The after-party at Brown Building lasts approximately 12 minutes, as the guy who invites EVERYONE up to his loft decides he'd like to go to bed. But not before Shakira has asked five more people: "Are YOU Colonel William B. Travis?" and snacked on a lovely selection of FREE dill pickle spears. Meanwhile, Gigi is being reintroduced to Frat's love of PDA.

As Gigi fights Frat off, Sad Eyes professes his undying love to Shakira. Five times.

"I'm very attracted to you." He thinks this phrase will make Shakira weak in the knees. Over and over again. Nope.

"Sorry, I'm taken," Shakira responds sassily. "You had your chance." Pine, Sad Eyes, PINE!

Another successful night for the G&S girls ends as they score a FREE cab ride home.

-Gigi and Shakira 05.12.03