I went to see Showgirls with Gigi, Sweet Thang and some other G&S peeps on Friday night. I had a vague recollection of having seen the movie in the mid-nineties when it came out. But I really couldn’t remember anything about it. Perhaps if I had, I wouldn’t have been so shocked to realize that I was watching porn. Because here’s the thing, people, I was in high school in the mid-nineties. Yet I remember watching the movie with my boyfriend in his parents’ den! How did we get a copy of this trash? Oh my God, I am so old.

So, I watched this movie with my friends and felt slightly embarrassed. For myself because I’m watching porn with my friends, which is not an activity I normally engage in, and for Elizabeth Berkeley, because she cannot act and she definitely cannot dance. As the Mr. Sinus guys pointed out, her acting (and dancing) consists of really jerky, over dramatized movements. Also, I could not stop checking out the way the makeup artists lined her lips outside her natural lip line. I guess they wanted her lips to look better for all the sucking (literally and figuratively) she would be doing.

The Sinus Guys were hilarious, as always, and toward the end of the movie, they stopped the movie, per their custom, and performed a skit. While the skit was pretty funny, it went on a bit too long. I remember thinking this during the Sinus showing of Top Gun. Maybe I am just old and crotchety (see above) but I wanted the skit to end so we could finish the movie and I could go home to bed!

Following the skit, we returned to the movie. In order to make it shorter (and perhaps more palatable) they cut out some footage. So we came back into the move when Elizabeth was going to visit some guy in his hotel suite. Is she a whore now? I was wondering. Admittedly, this movie was plot-thin to begin with, but without some of the scenes for reference, I was totally lost.

And then she kicks this dude’s ass, goes to the hospital, while I’m wondering why, and then the dude from the hotel tells her the background check revealed she is a hardened criminal. Okay, well she was arrested for soliciting once or twice. No big deal, right? She’s dancing naked on a stage at a seedy hotel in Vegas. Does she really have to pass the background check for a job like that?

And then the movie ends as she’s hitch-hiking out of town again. What? Why did she leave? Where is the black dude with the dreads? I have so many questions. And I just feel icky after seeing all those boobs.