The Daily Dish 08.29.08
Sorry I have been away so long! I would say it's because school has started, but that just happened on Monday so I really have no excuse. Fear not, I have some random thoughts and observations that I know you have been missing:
What is up with Samantha Ronsen's penchant for ugly hats? I get that she's a lesbian, but does that mean she has to have ugly hats? Can't she be an attractive lesbian? It makes me wonder if she ever takes them off other than to switch colors. Does she wear them while she sleeps, or when she's in the shower? So many questions.
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McCain's attempt to "woo" Democratic women with his choice of a female running mate is, frankly, insulting. She might be a woman, but she's not defending my right to choose. Dealbreaker, mofos. GWH put it well earlier when he said, "It takes more than a pair of tits to stand up for women." Shut up, McCain. Shut up, Palin. You both suck and I hope Obama crushes you mightily.
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So it turns out GWH and I work in the same building. Due to extreme hangover pain, I only lasted until 3 today, and as I was on my way out, GWH was on his way in, and we ran into each other in the lobby. We gave each other great big hugs and kisses and he said, “Want to do dinner tonight?” and it felt like I was being asked out on a date. And then I thought how if we were famous, our pictures would be in the gossip rags with some sort of caption like, “Shakira and GWH caught canoodling in the lobby of downtown building Five Houston Center. Looks like these two lovebirds are still going strong after four years of togetherness.”
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The Lude almost died this week. We had a really tense couple of days while she was in the ICU. My mechanic warned me she might cost me more than her trade-in value to fix. So I prayed to the car gods and I got lucky. It turns out she was fixable--no permanent damage had been done to the engine due to a timing belt issue. So I went to pick her up, and lo and behold, they changed her into a V6 or something. I turned the key and the engine revved to life and then settled into a rumble. WTF? I called my mechanic and asked if this was normal after such an extensive repair. He said, "What's different about the car?" and I said, "Well, I can only describe it as a low throaty growl." And then I thought, "I feel so dirty talking to some guy I barely know like this."
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And finally, another hurricane is possibly upon us. Will it hit New Orleans? Will it hit Houston? I find it amusing that in order to prepare for it at our building, we close the blinds. Yup, closting the blinds will keep those 50-mile-an-hour winds at bay.
The Daily Dish 08.04.08
Aaaahhh--hurricane supposedly coming our way! Everyone is freaking out here but I bet tricky ol' Edouard makes a turn and misses us completely. Am I supposed to go to work in the morning if that happens? It's eerily calm outside, but you know what they say about the calm before the storm.
In other news, I just got back from an awesome week in Austin, during which I got to see nearly all my peeps. The best part of the story about my time with Madame V and Lady Butterfly? We left the show we went to before the real band got on stage. No wonder that opening band was boring us. But damn if they didn't sound the same and we got confused. No biggie--we drank it up at Lavaca Street and had more fun. If we had continued trying to gossip in the middle of the floor at Antone's, there would have been some seriously annoyed people.
In other news, I bounced around with El Dilector one night. You can read about it here:
Let the Good Times Stick to the Mirror.
The Daily Dish 07.20.08
GWH and I recently determined that the reason we don't have a pet is because he serves that purpose in my life. "Think about it," he pointed out, "You feed me, clean up after me. I'm always happy to see you, and I'm sad if you're away from home too long. Sometimes I nibble on you, and I love to be petted."
The Daily Dish 07.15.08
Once upon a time, I started writing a novel. And if you're a long-time reader (hell, if there are any readers of this site left at all!) you might remember this list. I made it when I turned 25, when I was but a youngster. Well, as I said in the list--check back at 30. I am 30 and THE NOVEL IS DONE! I finally put my money where my mouth is. (It might be a complete piece of crap, and let's hope it's not, but I did it.) Woohoo!
The Daily Dish 07.10.08
I have discovered the coolest thing: adult gymnastics. Once a week I go over to the Jewish Community Center and take a class with some assorted misfits like me. We have a coach who probably produces little Olympic contenders, and after a whole day of coaching these lean, mean, 8-year-old fighting machines, I like to think he gets a real kick out of us.
We’re all at different skill levels, so Coach will have us each try something new as we move up in line, nervous and excited and--in my case, 30 years old. The rest of the class will look on and cheer. It’s the most amazing feeling completing a back handspring for the first time in 12 years, and hearing some girls I just met 10 minutes ago clapping for me. And then Coach reaches out and says in his Eastern European accent, “Good job, gimme five.”
How often do we cheer on other people on our daily lives? In the dog-eat-dog arena of law school, you very rarely get someone standing on the sidelines and clapping for you, saying, “Hey, good job!” (More often, you’re quite sure they’re wishing for your downfall when the professor asks you a question, or when you’re furiously typing an exam.) I think that’s part of the enjoyment for the coaches of my class. There’s no pressure to make us into Olympians. We’re just there to have fun. And when Coach spots me on two back flips on the trampoline and then says, “Okay, this time I’m not going to spot you,” and on three, I’m doing a flip on my own and squealing with delight, I have to think it’s almost as cool for him as it is for me. No pressure—just pure, unadulterated fun.
(My goal is to master a standing back flip, and do it when I get my diploma. I have two years. GWH says I’ll be doing it by the end of the summer. I’m not so sure about that. But last night he said, “Is there anything you can’t do?” and I must admit, coming home flying high from gymnastics class, I kind of felt like the answer was, “Nope.”)
The Daily Dish 06.17.08
It seems like maybe this page is becoming heavily political....but hey, this is a monumental election year, and stuff keeps happening. Mainly, the topic of today's dish: You go, California. The end of the ban on gay marriage is historical and awesome. What saddens me is the constitutional vote coming up in November that could put an end to all of this jubliant celebration. Why? Because hateful people are trying to "preserve the sanctity of marriage." What a freakin' joke. If anyone has destroyed the sancitity of marriage, it's all the heterosexuals who have royally screwed it up. You people who are against gay marriage are small-minded and....mean. I was thinking about this post and that's the best word I could come up with. Mean. It's a childish word for a childish attitude. Why should you care if the two ladies next door want to get married? It's called privacy, and I bet you feel entitled to it. So why shouldn't that privilege extend to people who are different than you? You suck and you're mean.
The Daily Dish 06.13.08
I've already addressed the bearing children issue once, but I'm sorry--I gotta do it again. GWH recently caught up with an old friend. When GWH mentioned our decision to stay child-free, the friend gave him a hard time, telling him that our purpose on Earth is to procreate. Excuse me? So if I don't have children, my time here is for nothing? What about the people I love, the people I help, the art I create? Seriously? None of that matters because it's not my purpose? I suppose it's fine for this guy to feel that way, but it's a stupid and asinine thing to say.
The Daily Dish 06.12.08
An Open Letter to Cormac McCarthy
Dear Mr. McCarthy,
I know you are an accomplished novelist, you have won many awards, and your books have been made into movies. One of them, in fact, just won an Oscar for Best Picture. I applaud your success. I, however, do not applaud the absence of the quotation mark in your books. WTF? I have read both The Road and All the Pretty Horses, and I couldn't follow a damn conversation to save my life. It really takes away from an otherwise good story.
Speaking of story, I guess maybe you and I just don't have the same vision, because I really didn't care for No Country for Old Men, while GWH thought it was the most brilliant piece of fiction ever. Along with your distaste for quotation marks, do you also hate a satisfying ending? Because No Country was a ripoff. You and David Chase (Sopranos), writing endings that aren't really endings, and then giggling at the morons who don't get it. You must think you're very clever. In my mind, the point of stories, books, movies and television is to entertain, and that requires a beginning, a middle and an end. You don't drag us into a something, require us to learn, understand and care about characters, and then not tell us how things actually end. I know that's not real life, but it's not real life. It's entertainment. God.
Sincerely,
Shakira
The Daily Dish 06.10.08
A Woman For Obama
I am a woman, and I love Barack Obama. I could not be happier that he’s the Democratic nominee. (Barring any unforeseen hijinks at the convention, which I wouldn’t put past some of our Democratic party members.) I supported both candidates in the beginning: Hillary and Obama both had similar policies, and ultimately, I just want to win in November. We have got to take this country back from the Republicans and end this terrible war. But as I talked to people, I found a lot of Hillary hate. From intelligent, liberal women. My informal polling—in an admittedly small circle—showed that women just don’t like her. (She has huge support from women—I just don’t know any of those women.) And then I felt like Hillary started playing dirty and taking cheap shots at Obama. Shots that he handled each time with grace and finesse. Instead of firing back, he has kept the focus on what we need to do to move forward, to fix what’s wrong with this country. Talking about flag pins and whether or not his preacher is racist is a waste of time.
Here’s the thing: I know Hillary supporters are pissed off right now, and some of them are threatening to stay home, or worse—to vote for McCain. Back in March, I made the mistake of saying I would stay home in November if Hillary won the nomination. But I realized that would be stupid, because this election is too big, too important, and too historic. If you stay home, you’re just giving the election to the wrong people. And if you’re a Hillary supporter, how can you stomach McCain? Bush has run our country into the ground. If elected, McCain will just continue promoting Bush’s lame, ill-advised policies. He will not end the war. He will ensure the rich get richer, the poor get poorer, and that big business runs the country, not the people. This election is bigger than personal preferences. My guy finally won the nomination (as a former Dean and Edwards supporter, I know disappointment)—and I’m going to vote for him. But hell, I would vote for Hillary in a heartbeat.
Also, I just have to comment on this.
The right-wingers are trying to make the case that the fist bump from last week’s speech was evidence of terrorism. Ridiculous. When GWH and I watched it, I squealed with glee, because GWH and I do the fist bump all the time. We are not terrorists. In fact, we do the fist bump and then “explode” with our hands. We got it from Dwight Schrute on The Office. That’s it. That’s how harmless and funny it is. And watching Barack and Michelle do the fist bump, we got what it meant: “You rock.” Or something to that effect. They seem like a solid couple who loves each other, not like a couple who made an agreement a long time ago to rule the world.
Go Barack, go Michelle. You rock. And to all of you Hillary supporters, a virtual fist bump from me to you. We need you in November. So please, do the right thing and vote for Obama.
The Daily Dish 06.03.08
What the hell is that crap on Amy Winehouse's face?
I mean, seriously--every celeb web site is speculating but no one seems to know, and on some level, I completely understand this is NONE of my business--but I really want to know what kind of drugs cause this skin problem and why. Poor girl.
The Daily Dish 05.28.08
Lately I find myself fervently wishing law school was just two years instead of three. My summer school class starts in just under a week and I am already trying to figure out how I'm going to get back into that reading, note-taking study mode. And it's just one class for just one month. How am I going to feel in August? I look forward to August and think, "Two more years" and I just feel tired. If it was just one more, and I could say I was halfway through, well, that would feel better.
The Daily Dish 05.15.08
Like everyone else, I am trying to save money at the grocery store. So, like a doofus, I keep clicking on these links for articles promising to save me HUNDREDS of dollars. And they all have the same common sense advice I've been following forever--make a list, don't shop hungry, buy store brands. My mom taught me all this crap years ago. She should be making money passing out advice, because she was right and these yahoos are just copying each other's ideas, which are NOT NEW.
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Speaking of my mom and advice that she is right about (which, as I get older, is pretty much everything) she told me once that she really doubts the ability to drastically change your basic body shape. In these days of plastic surgery, that's not necessarily true, but what Mom was talking about was working out: if you want to really change something, it's just not going to happen.
I think she's right. I'm a curvy girl--I have boobs and a butt and thighs and lucky for me, a tiny waist. I can lose a couple of pounds or gain a couple of pounds, but I'm basically always going to be shaped this way. I'll never be thin and reedy, or one of those athletes with crazy muscles. I've been trying to get my calves to pop for like, oh, a year. They just don't. I have my mother's legs and that's it.
I also fight constantly with cellulite. Like the grocery store articles, these articles are all the same: they say the key to banishing cellulite is combining cardio and weights, and following a healthy diet. Yeah, right. Who's in the gym almost every day of the week doing just that? ME. Do I still have cellulite? You bet your cottage cheese ass I do. As for a healthy diet, I like my wine on Friday and Saturday nights with GWH, and I have a fondness for Mexican food, but if I have to cut everything out completely, life just wouldn't be worth living. And I've been keeping a food diary for something like four years now, which GWH considers extraordinary.
Like the food diary, I have also been taking my measurements and keeping track of my weight since college. It doesn't vary too much. Whether I eat like a hog, or have a run of breakup bad luck and eat nothing; whether I am kicking ass in the gym or just pedaling a stationary bike for 30 minutes a day; it is pretty much...the way I look. Me. Mom was right. So spend some time figuring out how to love what you got; keep going to the gym to be healthy and feel good about you.
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By the by, what's up with the shoe selection these days? I went to DSW today and didn't like ANYTHING enough to buy. There were a couple of $50 pairs that were cute, but for $50, I have to really, really love the shoes.
-Shakira 05.15.08
The Daily Dish 05.12.08
I'm sure you've been wondering what's up with G&S lately. It turns out that babies and law school make it MUCH harder to update the site. (One person attempting both babies AND law school not currently recommended.)
The brainiacs over here at Gorgeous and Sassy headquarters are trying to figure out how to remedy the situation. It may call for some redesign; maybe a change in content. However, please stick with us in the interim. We love our fans!
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I'm sure you've all heard about traffic in Houston. Mainly, that it sucks. This is true when you are trying to get from SugarLand to a building downtown during rush hour, perhaps, but I am usually lucky. Because I live inside the Loop I don't have to drive that far. What I have noticed is the following:
1. Houston drivers will not move out of the way for emergency vehicles.
2. At any given time, I can look into my review mirror and see someone bearing down on me. It doesn't matter what lane I'm in--they want me to move over. They can't WAIT to get around me. You see, I have a love of "following distance." For those of you unfamiliar, I do not tailgate or follow closely, lest one of us stamp on our brakes and cause a five-car pileup. Therefore, people follow me closely and wonder why I don't move closer to the guy in front of me.
3. At any given time, one can also find every single car in every single lane attempting to change lanes.
4. Despite the availability of five lanes or more, there are no rules about going slow on the right and progressively faster as you go left. As mentioned above, you WILL get tailgated in the right hand land for adhering to the speed limit.
5. Parking lots are anyone's game. I got honked at and got a dirty look two days ago when I backed out of a parking space and a lady wanted to zoom past me going the wrong way. There was a clearly marked arrow, along with the diagonal parking spaces you can only pull into if you're going the right way, and she freakin' honked at me and gave me a dirty look. I wanted to chase down her Mercedes SUV and give her a piece of my mind, but GWH says I can't do that without a gun. Oh well.
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In other news, I am lately wondering about the following: when a woman says, "I have always known I wanted to be a mother!" people around her say, "Of course."
When a woman says, "I have decided that I don't want to have children," people around her say, "You'll change your mind." This is usually followed with long stories about how their lives with children have changed completely.
I am in the latter category. I really don't get it. I'm 30 years old. If my biological clock were ticking, wouldn't it have gotten so loud that GWH and would have BOTH heard it by now? If I said I wanted to be a mom, that wouldn't be questioned. But the decision NOT to be one draws so much commentary, it's irritating and presumptuous and drives me totally crazy. I'm not interested in having children. There are six billion people on the planet; therefore, we are not a dying race. Also, I really enjoy being able to do the following: sleep in on weekends, make plans for happy hour or a football game without getting a babysitter, not negotiate with GWH about kid duty, and spend my money the way I like. You get the idea. I'm selfish and that doesn't translate well to having kids.
And don't get me wrong--I am very happy for all my friends with kids. They are part of the first category above: they always knew they were going to be moms, and they are GREAT moms. It's just not for me. Isn't it better to know that you couldn't give a child your all, and then decide not to do it?
-Shakira 05.12.08
