The Sexiest Bachelor EVER!
Episode 6

OK, I am way behind in my Bachelor updates. What can I say? I ran out of wine. And this show is just no fun without a big ol' glass of box wine. I'll just go fill up my glass and we'll begin. Yum...it's like Kool-Aid with a little kick. Tasty!

Tonight we have the hometown dates. Brad gets to meet the Daddies! I wonder if there will be a crazy one like the dad who threatened Lorenzo.

We open with Brad getting ready for his dates. He's talking, but I don't know what he's saying, because they are showing him in the shower. Mmm. Hi Brad! When will you be back in Austin? Oops, just kidding, LP!

Wichita, KS

Hey, my sister-in-law is from Wichita. Shout out! Jenni the perky Phoenix Suns dancer is also a Wichitonian (Wichitite? Wiccan? Whatever...). She meets him at the theater where she won her first dance competition and tells him that she has something "very special" for him. Eek!

Jenni says that dancing is the passion of her life and she's really good at it. She dances for Brad, and it's very cute. It may be the wine, but Jenni is totally winning me over. Brad is concerned that Jenni won't want to move from Phoenix for another year so that she can dance for the Suns. He doesn't like the idea of a long distance relationship. He asks Jenni about it and I gain new respect for her when she tells him that she would want to dance in Phoenix if she makes the team again, but that she thinks a long distance thing would work for a while as long as they had the goal of being together in mind. They would have to compromise. Brad says "Hmmm" and nods half-heartedly, so who knows if that would work for him.

Jenni tells Brad she hasn't brought a guy home in 2 1/2 years. That's not so bad. I think I've only brought three guys to meet my mom. She's kind of a ball buster, though. Most guys can't handle a round with her. Lucky for Brad, he does not have to meet my mom. She'd tell him to shave his half-assed beard because it makes him look gay. That would come before "Hello." Seriously. Ball buster.

They go to Jenni's mom's hair salon. The whole family is there: Mom, Dad, Jenni's sister Tiffany, and the requisite spunky Grandma, who is actually wearing a 100% Grandma t-shirt. She tells him that she's the one he'll have to fight with. Spunky!

Grandma is a little nervous when she hears that Brad owns a bar. She asks him if he's a drinker. He says he's the most boring bar guy, ever. Meanwhile, I'm getting another glass of this delicious box wine. I'm not the one trying to impress Grandma!

Brad tells the family he wants lots of babies. Grandma looks disgusted and informs Brad that Jenni is not a "walking baby factory." She tells Brad that if she doesn't treat Jenni right "it's hit the road, Jack!" Awesome! I love Grandma.

Jenni's mom grabs Brad and brings him to the sink to wash his hair. Once he is all soapy she starts questioning him about why he is single, considering that he owns a bar and must meet loads of ladies. Brad says that he doesn't really meet people he dates through the bars. He tells Mom he's never met anyone like Jenni.

Meanwhile Jenni and Tiffany start talking about Brad. Jenni says he's a good kisser. She tells Tiffany that she is falling in love with Brad.

Jenni's dad wants to know what Brad's goals are. Brad lets him know that Jenni would be well taken care of if she ends up with him. That seems to impress Dad. Later he makes a toast to Jenni and lets her know that she made the Phoenix Suns dance team again. Wait, they called her dad instead of Jenni? Weird.

Brad and Jenni talk more about having a long distance relationship. Brad tells Jenni that he'd make that compromise if it's right for them. Jenni tells him that she wants him in her life.

Walnut Creek, CA

Sheena is a California girl. At first I thought she was from Walnut Grove, and I was very excited. But no. Walnut CREEK. Damn.

Sheena's parents cruise up on a boat. Then they spend the day playing on the water. It looks like a really good time.

Sheena's mom seems a little loopy. She asks Brad what his sign is. He's a Scorpio. Me too, Brad! We are the bitches of the zodiac! Sheena's dad is also a Scorpio. Oooh. Sheena claims that she doesn't know much about horoscopes. She says she is an Aries. Brad asks if that's a good fit, and Mom claims that it's a "perfect match." Hmm...that's not what I'm reading...

Mom keeps going on and on about the stars and how they are just lining up for Brad and Sheena. She is absolutely thrilled that Brad is the same sign as Sheena's dad. She then goes on this weird tangent about how she can see the big dipper from her jacuzzi and how "you can lasso it!" and this is what somehow makes her know that Sheena is "the one." And whether she's Brad's one or someone else's one, Mom KNOWS she's the ONE. Wow. She's either crazy, drunk, a scientologist, or some combination of those things. Brad looks a little frightened. A crazy mother-in-law does not appeal to him. Mom goes on that she likes Brad's eyes, too! She seems like she might want to gouge them out and put them in a special jar in her closet. She tries to tells Brad that Sheena is ready to be married, but she has a little freudian slip and says "we are ready for marriage." Eeeeeeeek. Run, Brad, run!!!

Brad and Sheena go in the jacuzzi. Brad lies that he didn't find Sheena's crazy mom annoying. They sit in the tub and look at the stars, but Brad doesn't lasso the big dipper. They just make out a little.

Canton, GA

Next up is Georgia gal DeAnna. In the Georgia spirit, she give Brad a basket of peaches. That would do it for me. I love peaches. Brad brings her family a bottle of wine. Good start!

Brad tells the camera that he likes that DeAnna doesn't need him. Well, I guess that's good.

DeAnna lives in a giant house. Wow! DeAnna's family must be loaded. And here I thought she was from the school of hard knocks.

DeAnna has a very friendly Greek family. Brad's father, stepmother, sister and brother all greet Brad warmly and are interested and open when they ask him about himself. DeAnna's dad talks to Brad about how DeAnna lost her mother at a young age and how hard that was on her.

DeAnna shows Brad a photo album of her childhood. She was a really cute little girl with huge brown eyes. She shows him pictures of her mom and tells him that she always took a lot of pictures because she knew she wasn't going to live very long. DeAnna tells the camera that just because her mother isn't around doesn't mean that she wasn't an important part of her life. She wants Brad to know about her. Brad is really happy that he got to see a softer side of DeAnna and it is making him fall for her even more.

DeAnna and her sister talk about Brad. DeAnna admits that she'll be crushed if Brad doesn't pick her as the one. She says that he is the guy she's been looking for.

An old guy walks into the house and asks if they are ready to party. He says that he brought the booze. Sweet! Who is this wonderful man? Why it's DeAnna's grandpa...or her Pappous as the Greeks say. He's brought a bunch of her relatives over to mix it up Greek style. Oh my gosh, DeAnna has an uncle Plutarch! Wow, these people are seriously Greek.

The booze that Pappous brought is ouzo. Holy crap, I've been tricked into taking a shot of that stuff. It knocked me on my ass. Brad does a little better with it than I did, but he can't hide the grimace from his face. It burns! They do more shots of ouzo and yell "Opa!!" It's like My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Brad and DeAnna kiss and she tells the camera that seeing Brad with her family has "sealed the deal" for her.

Washington, DC

So Bettina lives in our nation's capital! How exciting for her. I think I need more wine.

OK, better! They go to Bettina's dad's house and it's another big, expensive looking place. Her dad is kind of creepy looking. I know he didn't choose reality tv, so it's not nice to make fun...but he looks a little like Ed Grimley.

Bettina's stepmother tells Brad that they know absolutely nothing about him, besides his name. Brad tells him how he left college to go into business for himself and Bettina's dad is not pleased. It turns out he is a college professor and he apparently doesn't approve of people who don't have a college education. If only Brad had spent ten years in graduate school instead of working. That would make him a real man in Ed Grimley's eyes. Ed asks what Brad does in Austin and Brad makes a joke about his bars being a "family friendly business." The Grimleys all stare at him blankly without so much as a chuckle. It just gets more uncomfortable from there, as Bettina's family obviously doesn't like Brad.

Ed Grimley tells the camera that Bettina's ex-husband was a "wonderful man" and Bettina will never find anyone as good. I don't even know what to think about that. Obviously Bettina didn't like being married to the guy, but I'm sure you know best, Grimley.

Ed takes Bettina aside to tell her that he's disappointed in Brad's lack of education. He wishes Brad had a PhD. Bettina points out that many successful people don't have degrees and even one of Ed's daughters doesn't have a degree. Could that be Bettina? Ed does seem to think she's stupid.

Brad hangs in the kitchen with Bettina's mother and stepmother. The stepmother is more unfriendly than the mother, but neither of them give Brad much slack. They accuse him of stringing girls along and want to know whether he thinks Bettina is "the one." Brad says he doesn't know at this point. Run, Brad!! These people are a bunch of assholes.

Brad and Bettina talk. Bettina tells him about her family's "concerns" about his lack of education and his business. Brad seems pretty hurt by this and says that he is intelligent enough not to be judgmental. Bettina tries to fix things by saying that she "doesn't look good on paper, either." This really bugs Brad, who says that he's worked really hard to get where he is and he doesn't know why he wouldn't "look good on paper." It's because Bettina's family thinks they are better than you, Brad.

I bet that Ed Grimley's professor salary didn't get him that extremely tasteful and expensive home. More likely his family's money paid for years and years of education and housing. It's easy to get a loads of education when you don't have to worry about paying for it...or anything else. Some people have to work in order to pay the bills. Whoops...I'm going on a rant. Better stop here and drink more box wine. I don't have to impress the Grimleys with my good breeding!

Mansion of Desperation

Chris is back! It's so good to see him. I missed hearing about the obvious. He tells the ladies that there are three roses, therefore one of them will have to go home. Thanks, Chris.

Time for the roses. Brad gives them to:

DeAnna
Jenni
and
Bettina

I guess snotty is better than bat-shit crazy in Brad's book! Brad and Sheena talk outside. Sheena tells him that he looks nice and Brad tells her not to do that to him. He tells her that she is deserving of happiness and a perfect life, but he doesn't feel like he's the guy for her. She cries and he hugs her and says that he's sorry. She tells him that he's an amazing guy. She said that she really fell for him.

Brad tells the camera that he just really didn't have the right feelings for Sheena and didn't think she was a potential soul mate. But he feels terrible about hurting her.

Sheena cries in the limo and says that her heart feels like it got ripped in half and stepped on. But she says that she'd do it all over again.

Man, I forgot how sad the break ups get when the end is near. I am going to have to get more box wine.

Gigi 11.11.07