The Sexiest Bachelor EVER!
Episode 5

ABC has decided it was a good idea to let us know that Hillary is going to be booted out tonight in the "most emotional Bachelor exit EVER!" Since there are only six girls left (thanks, Chris!) and two are getting the boot, that means that they've pretty much ruined much of the suspense for us, just so we could see Hillary blubbering in the previews. We get to see someone cry! Whee! Did they seriously think this would draw more viewers? Crying draws audiences? Clearly I should get my baby into show biz. Sometimes, when I'm trying to get him to take a nap, we BOTH cry. It could be the most emotional nap time EVER! Call me, ABC.

Tonight there will be two one-on-one dates and one group date. There will be no roses available on the dates. The four who stay will be bringing Brad to their home towns in the next episode. Sorry, Hillary!

The first one-on-one date goes to Bettina. Brad has planned a romantic date on the water. There is a picnic with wine laid out on a dock and lit by little white lights. It's very pretty.

Cut back to the MOD, where Jenni, Hillary, DeAnna and Kristy learn they will be going on the group date, which will be a pool party. They all woo-hoo, except for Kristy, who looks like she heard that the group date would be at the dentist.

Back to the romantic dock date. Brad asks Bettina if she's dated since her divorce. She says "a little bit" and giggles nervously. She then says that she's not proud of getting a divorce because it's "failing at a relationship." Harsh, in my opinion, but you feel how you feel. She says that she wants to have an "off the charts" love with that special person with whom she has a family. Brad seems to like that answer. He tells her that he sometimes wants to hug her "so she will be ok." He then says that she's gorgeous and perfect. Bettina asks if he's for real and kind of squeezes his face....I guess to check if he actually IS for real.

Back at the MOD, the ladies are bitching about Bettina. Surprise, surprise! Coincidentally, it turns out they think that SHE'S not "for real." Ha! They also don't think she's "in it for the right reasons." I still don't know what the right reasons are. It seems that anyone who is ever alone with Brad is not in it for the "right reasons," according to the other girls.

The dock date has turned into a gondola ride. Bettina gets nervous all of a sudden. Brad says that he's looking to find a best friend and true love and Bettina agrees. Spying a bridge up ahead, Bettina tells Brad that it's good luck to kiss under one. He kisses her on the cheek and she looks a little flustered. He tells the camera that she's taking her time to open up, but that's ok with him.

The next day the group date girls ride in a van to Brad's house for the pool party. They are all extremely excited to see him with his shirt off. I guess they don't have cable at the MOD. Kristy says she's "not a pool person." Uh-oh. Probably shouldn't be on the Bachelor, then. They love pool parties and hot tubs...any chance to get the girls in bikinis or topless. When they get there, she expresses her "non-poolness" by sitting around and pouting while the other girls whoop it up in the water and on the slip and slide. In keeping with last week's frown fest at the improv class, Kristy is going with the "girl who is no fun" persona to win Brad's love. Good luck, Kristy!

Hillary is on Brad's shoulders in the pool and yells out, "Brad's between my legs!" Always so classy, that girl. She tells the camera that she "would let him ravish me!" She then apparently says a bunch of really lewd things because we see her talking, but all we hear is, "I would want him to [beep] and like [beeeeeeeeep] and like [beeep] a couple times then maybe [beeeeeep] and then like call it a day!" Later she and Brad float on a raft together and she tells him how he reminds her of her dad. Eeeeek!

Hillary then says she's going to ask a "blunt question." Luckily it doesn't not have to be beeped out. She is wondering how Brad feels about her right now. He thinks she is an amazing person. He has more fun with her than he's had with a woman in a long time. He wonders if they're "too good of friends?" Yeah, that must be it. He tells the camera that he doesn't think he's has feelings for her. But we already knew that, so let's move on.

Sheena is going on the next individual date. The date box arrives and has a red heart thing in it and long gloves. Maybe they're going to do cardiac surgery? She gathers that it will be some sort of romantic date and she is excited. Bettina tells the camera that Sheena is "just really young" and not ready for marriage. Because Bettina is the expert on such matters.

Back at the pool, there is still a lot of whooping and splashing going on. Brad pulls DeAnna aside and tells her that he's been thinking about her a lot. They sit on a blanket and touch each other a lot, but see the other girls watching (and waving) so they don't kiss. DeAnna is pissed about this.

Next, Jenni and Brad go off for some alone time. They go much further away from the ladies and make out. All of the other girls are jealous, especially Hillary, who cries and utters several things that need to be beeped out.

Time for the individual date. Brad says it's going to be "over the top." He says it's going to be full of surprises. Maybe it is surgery! Off they go in the limo. First up is a little hobbit cottage, where there are six headless mannequins adorned in lovely gowns facing them. Are these Brad's special friends? No! Sheena gets to pick a gown to keep! She choses a pretty and form-fitting strapless pink numberand starts down the stairs while Brad watches her. Then she trips! Poor Sheena. She recovers nicely and doesn't have to be hospitalized, so they continue on their date.

Next they go to a table which is surrounded by balloons. Brad presents her with a jewelry box, which contains some sparkly, heart shaped diamond earrings. Wow, it's like she's on The Price is Right or something. I wouldn't be surprised to hear "A New Car!" next.

Alas, the next surprise is just an orchestra playing by the pool. Brad and Sheena dance and then they kiss. She says it's the best date she's ever been on. Well I'm sure it's the most bountiful one, anyway. A gown and diamonds! Sheena is the luckiest bachelorette EVER!

She arrives back at the MOD to find Bettina and Jenni lounging on the couch. She tells them about her date and Bettina snaps that it was way better than her boring date. Then she stalks off. Jenni and Sheena are horrified at how ungrateful she is. And Jenni tells Sheena that Bettina isn't there for "the right reasons." Naturally.

Finally it's time for the Pre-Rose Ceremony Cocktail Party of Desperation. Brad and Sheena go off to talk and she thanks him for the wonderful date. She has written him a POEM about it. Oh Lord. It's like a rhymey greeting card. Brad seems to love it, though and asks if he can keep it. Then they dance again. Barf.

DeAnna's turn with Brad is next. Brad likes DeAnna's butt and tells her so. He then asks her if she thinks her feelings are real or if it's been too short a time to know. Of course she says that she has real feelings and that she is "putting it all out there." She says she feels so very nervous before she is going to see him. He hasn't seen that and she says that she must cover it up well. Yeah, sure. Then she tells him how much she'd wanted to kiss him on the group date, but all of the other girls were watching, so it was uncomfortable. Brad says that nobody is watching now...so they kiss.

Inside the MOD Jenni gets all seventh grade and confronts Bettina about saying that her date was boring. Jesus, who cares??? So Bettina says that she was "joking" and Jenni says that she hopes so. Whatever.

When Bettina and Brad have their alone time he tells her that their date was "perfect." Hee...wait until he hears how much it bored her. Just joking! Bettina says that she had been scared about being intimate with him but by the end of the date she really wanted to kiss him and have his hands on her, because she knows it would be great. Bettina tells him that her feelings are deeper than any she's ever felt. I hope her ex-husband is watching.

At the MOD, the other girls are bitching about Bettina. They all hope that Brad will see through her.

Brad and Hillary then get their alone time, where Brad tries to tell her that he thinks of her as a friend. She says that she understands what he's saying, but she totally doesn't. She says that she feels the same way: that he could be her best friend, lover and husband. Brad looks uncomfortable, but doesn't set her straight. Hillary blathers to the camera about how much she loves the dress she is wearing and how she hopes it makes Brad think of how pretty she'd look in a wedding dress. So sad.

Time for the Rose Ceremony. Brad tells the camera how tough this decision is and how bad he feels, but he's gotta do what he's gotta do. He tells the ladies that he "feels something for each and every one of you." Then he gives the roses to:

DeAnna
Jenni
Sheena
and
Bettina

So Kristy the acupuncturist is the one getting the boot with Hillary. Kristy seems cool with it. She says goodbye and tells Brad it was nice to meet him. Hillary is in tears immediately. She stands outside and cries and says that she can't breathe. She sobs on camera. Brad and the four remaining girls can hear her crying from outside. Brad comes out and gives her a big hug and asks her if she's ok. She says she isn't. She wants to know why he's sending her home. He gives her the "we're too good of friends" line again. She cries more and argues. He says he's sorry and thinks she's amazing. He hugs her again and says goodbye. Then he goes back inside and toasts with the winners. Hillary continues to cry on camera.

That was it. The most emotional Bachelor exit EVER! Lame. Lots of girls have sobbed and gone much more nuts. I have no idea why ABC made such a big deal about it. Ugh. This season is disappointing. Hopefully the hometown dates will be interesting.

Gigi 10.28.07