Return to the Lair

"I can't even remember the real name of the Lair," Gigi muses. "Something with a B?"  Gigi's babies have sucked away much of her brain power.
 
"Yes! What the hell is it called?" Shakira has just finished her finals in her second year of law school, so her brain is also a little fuzzy. Time to challenge those remaining brain cells with booze!
 
It's early, so the girls find nearby parking with ease. The luck of the Irish!  Or something. 

The entrance to The Lair looks different.  More wood-covered and, er, rustic?  As if they were back in the old country.  And the sign indicates that The Lair's actual factual name is "Bull McCabe's."
 
"Do you think that's Jimmy's real name?" asks Gigi.
 
"Bull? Hmmm...that's possible.  I can see why he'd go by Jimmy." says Shakira, as they enter their Irish paradise. 
 
They immediately notice that something is missing.  It's Jimmy.  Ah, shite!  Jimmy, the slightly crazy and completely impossible to understand bartender was one of the main draws of this quirky place.  His undying love for Shakira often meant free shots for the Gorgeous and Sassy girls.  This is disappointing.  They have a look around and take seats at the bar. It still resembles a lair, but they may have to rename it. Or find a new place to get their Irish on.
 
Shakira immediately introduces herself to the new (in the last 4 1/2 years) bartenders, Gerry and Johnny. "We're old regulars," she tells them, "but it's been a while." 
 
"We're willing to entertain the possibility of becoming new regulars." Gigi says. "Is there anything new and exciting we should know about?"
 
Gerry has obviously been waiting for that question. "Yes!" he chirps in a melodic and perfectly understandable brogue, "I redid the ladies' rest room! It's absolutely gorgeous.  You have to take a look."
 
The G&S girls decide to let nature take its course and order up some drinks. A Harp lager for Gigi and a vodka tonic for Shakira.  "Remember how I didn't like beer when we first met?" Gigi asks.
 
"Yes and I think I can take credit for refining your palate." answers Shakira.
 
They drink to that and to their return to The Lair and settle in to catching up. Gigi tells Shakira a story about a friend who has interesting taste in men. "She says she prefers a big gut and a small cock!"
 
"She should definitely use that as a tag line for online dating." Shakira opines. "Then again, that might be overwhelming.  There are probably thousands of guys who fit that description in Austin."
 
"Sure, there are probably several of them right here in this bar."
 
"And it's not even prime drinkin' time!"
 
The girls are momentarily distracted from their conversation when they realize that Johnny (who reminds them a bit of Jimmy's young protege, Thom) is trying desperately to read the Gorgeous and Sassy notebook.
 
"Don't forget to write 'hot bartender'" he brogues, winking at them. Later he sneaks up behind them and proclaims, "If it weren't for you two, I'd fuckin' walk out of this place right now."
 
"We still got it," says Shakira.
 
"I know." Gigi replies. 
 
Gerry also seems to desire the attentions of G&S.  He is busy...trying to juggle a hammer? It's seems an unwise choice, but who are the G&S girls to judge. "It's no longer my job to keep anyone's bones from breaking. I'm off duty!" says Gigi, downing the last sip of her beer and slamming it on the bar for emphasis. "Hmm...I better switch to water for a while." Being pregnant for most of the last three years has lowered Gigi's alcohol tolerance considerably.  She's a cheap date!
 
The G&S girls decide to check out the facilities. They are very HGTV.  So nice, so clean smelling, so different!  They come back to Gerry full of praise.  Gigi tells him that the bathroom makes her feel like a woman.
 
"And the new mirror makes everyone look like a supermodel!" Shakira gushes. Gerry beams at her. Not to be outdone, Johnny raises his shirt for her and demands, "Look at these cuts! Nice, huh?"
 
"Mmm..." Shakira smiles noncommittally and orders another. Gigi orders up another water, much to the Irish boys' chagrin.
 
"I have a little baby boy at home to feed." she tells them. Talk of motherhood and nursing often drives irritating people away. Gerry just rolls his eyes.  "Yer boy'll sleep better with a little Guinness in 'im!" he shouts.
 
"And that's why my people rule the world." sighs Gigi. She figures that since her kids are at least half Irish, they'll be able to find their own Guinness without her help. 
 
A little later he asks her again, "Wanna drink?"
 
"Another water? Please?"
 
"I'm not serving you!!" he yells.
 
"I've been cut off of water," Gigi pouts. "And possibly stripped of my Irish American Princess Crown."
 
"Nobody can take your tiara!" Shakira shakes her head resolutely. She records the incident in the notebook, but notices that she has reversed some letters. "I think I might be mildly dyslexic. Can I still be a lawyer?"
 
Gigi thinks that 'Shakira the Dyslexic Lawyer' sounds like a great sitcom...or reality show.
 
The bar is starting to fill with a strange variety of patrons.  All ages and all dress codes. The guy next to them looks sort of nice, but he has a weird axe murderer vibe going on.  The girls scoot away.  Gigi spies a jorts clad guy sporting her other male fashion faux pas.
 
"Ew, see that guy's feet?" Gigi shakes her head. "Flip flops! I cannot condone. What are we, heading for the showers at the Y?"
 
Shakira grimaces.  Nobody wanted to see Dude's hairy toes. Fortunately, things are looking up at the Lair. All of a sudden the girls hear Britney!  Hooray!!
 
"I love a bar in which Britney is at the fingertips," Shakira says, and sings along to 'Womanizer'. The Gorgeous and Sassy girls just cannot help but love Britney's music, even if she is a crazy train wreck. Another Britney song comes on.  Awesome. Gerry and Johnny are dancing around behind the bar in an exciting
version of Irish Cocktail!
 
Later Gerry seems to be whittling something...then using a torch. Is this guy an Irish MacGyver? Wait, is MacGyver an Irish guy? Maybe all MacGyvers are Irish.  Maybe all Irish guys are handy. The girls are pondering these questions when
Gerry presents Shakira with a tiny (leprechaun-sized!) pair of glasses made from those little swords that you normally use to spear olives and cherries in your drinks. Shakira is delighted.  "These are adorable!" she says.
 
Gerry beams again, clearly smitten. And Johnny looks to be flexing...again.  Looks like Shakira has caught another two in her web. It was bound to happen.

-Gigi and Shakira 06.03.09