Gorgeous and Sassy on the Prowl

The night starts off with jackassery. Gigi needs a drink. She puts out the call to Shakira and Lola for a girls night out. The crazy roommates head over to Shakira’s purple palace for primping, pre-girls’ night cocktails, and a viewing of 90210. It’s like a girls’ night pep rally. The girls are rarin’ to go! They drive by a new gourmet “sammich” shop.

“We’re too hot for gourmet sammiches!” Lola announces.

They find rock star parking immediately. This is going to be a great night! In Gigi’s haste to get her drink on, she trips and falls right in the middle of 4th Street. Several chivalrous gentlemen offer to help her up, thus adding credence to her theory that men confuse clumsiness with sexiness.

They make a grand entrance into Fado and do a lap to scope out cute menz for Shakira. They spy a hot dancing bartender. So very Cocktail. He could be Shakira’s huuuuuusband. The girls snag drinks and sit next to DJ Scary who’s kickin’ out the tunes. Gigi adores the Scary One, and goes over to give him some love. She looks over his cds.

“So that one’s ‘the pussy mix,’ huh?” she snarks. He blushes. “Put it on!” she commands.

He laughs and promises to play some choice selections. He also promises to play the Paul McCartney/Michael Jackson hit “Say Say Say” just for her. Strangely, this song was not included on the pussy mix.

The girls toast to their own cuteness. Four guys nearby raise a glass. Shakira dances to DJ Scary’s hot tunes. Lola notices that several menz seem captivated.

“Don’t use your powers of cuteness for evil!” she warns, then thinks better of it. “Eh, fuck it. You’re the queen of all you survey!” She downs her cocktail.

After many toasts the girls decide to move on to the Lavaca Street Bar. This bar always reminds Gigi of a train station. A fire truck drives by slowly. Where’s the fire, gentlemen? Oh it’s right here! Shakira blows a kiss to the firefighters.

They run into a coworker of Shakira’s and his German pal and share more drinks and laughs. Shakira asks if “I’ve seen your penis on the web!” is a good conversation starter. The boys look stunned, but intrigued. The girls vow to try it, but are distracted by a girl who is dressed in a bizarre frilly outfit.

“She looks like a five-tier cake,” says Lola.

“Not sexy,” everyone agrees.

They decide to finish the evening at Fado where they make another grand entrance, then pose for a photo opportunity. “You are an incredibly photogenic group,” their photographer compliments them.

Gigi looks at the picture and marvels, “Girls we are FINE! And we’re a study in booty-ology.”

“Exhibits A, S, and S,” Shakira points to each of their hot asses.

It’s 1:09. There is a plethora of possibility in Fado. They run into Poncho Boy and his roommate and enjoy more beer with them. A tall drink o’ water leans in to make a pass at Shakira. “How you doin’ girl?” he interrupts their conversation. He will get nowhere with that rudeness. For some reason the girls decide that he is 6’7” with a 1 ½ inch penis. This makes them laugh hysterically.

They spy a couple “dancing.” Or are they having seizures?

“I haven’t seen ‘the white man’s overbite’ since When Harry Met Sally,” Gigi marvels. The girls wonder if they can do an intervention. Maybe make a citizen’s arrest. Could they fine them? Like $200? The girls draw fake badges on cocktail napkins. Officer Hot Ass, Officer Cutie McCute and Officer Miss Thang are on the scene!

It’s getting late and the conversation has made its final turn…to the land of underwear.

“Here’s my theory on the thong,” Shakira announces, “If your underwear is gonna end up, well, up your ass….then it might as well start there!” All the girls agree wholeheartedly and drink to the thong theory. The guys are skeptical, but join in the final toast.

“I think this is one of the trillion subtle differences between men and women,” says Poncho Boy.

-Gigi and Shakira 07.05.04