The Bachelor - Rome

Episode 7: The Women Tell All

They start the show with Lorenzo’s signature quote: “There’s no place like Rome” and it is still dumb.

The announcer informs us that we are visiting with "ten of the most memorable women" from this season's Bachelor. They are: Kim - a.k.a. the Alcoholic Sarah Jessica Parker Look-alike, Sarah - Canadian AND Black, Ellen - Who?, Gina - the Pinched Faced Girl, Jeannette - Dark Haired Britney, Erica - the Socialite, Desiree - the Fallen Mormon, Jami - the Amazon, Agnese - the Italian Girl and Lisa - the Girl With the PLAN. My how we've missed these girls!

The Socialite immediately begins ripping into the Italian Girl by saying she looked slutty on the show. Translation: “She was way hotter than I am, so I was jealous.” Yeah, the Socialite really knows how to show off her good breeding.

Shakira is tiring of the Socialite. "I want to rip that fucking tiara off Erica’s head. Seriously? Girl, stop kidding yourself!!" Why IS she wearing a tiara, anyway?

Lisa, the Girl With the PLAN is first in the "hot seat." Wow, all of the other girls really hate her! They all bitch about her like crazy in the "behind the scenes." The host asks her about her scary timeline...and her wedding dress.

"Yeah, I want to know why the hell she thought it was a good idea to surprise her date by dressing like a bride!" says Gigi.

Lisa does not let us in on her logic. She does say that her timeline is "not that strict." Oh whatever. She’s so kicking herself that she fucked this one up. The G&S girls are betting that she's already engaged to some unsuspecting sucker in Portland.

She says, “Once you get to know me, I’m not as crazy as I appear to be.” Now there's a selling point! Hey, that's not something the Socialite can say.

Jami is next in the Hot Seat. Aww, poor Jami. She’s so upset. She wins points by telling the Socialite, “You’re such a bitch.” Tell it, sister! And Erica's reply is something eloquent like, “Come to my house; I’ll back it up.” What does that even mean? Will she show her how rich her mommy is, which will prove that she is better than Jami? Ugh. She is hateful.

Ah...scenes from happier times! They replay the classic moment when Sarah Jessica Parker got drunk and started babbling about about her flat pancake boob. Oh God, that poor girl. Hopefully this was not her finest moment.

Next in the hot seat: the Italian Girl. Her dress is not good. It’s giving her the flat pancake boobs! The Socialite calls her a prostitute. Um, were you not also on the Bachelor...a show where you are basically whoring yourself for a chance to marry some guy you don't even know? Hi Socialite, meet Kettle!

The Italian Girl admits to being really happy that she beat out the Socialite for Lorenzo's affections. Yeah, that was awesome!

And the Socialite is up! She says she’s “perfect” the way she is…oh man is she delusional! “The other girls don’t have the “class or the brains or the sophistication for him.” Is she confusing brains with boobs? She goes on to define The Prince Charming Complex, an affliction from which she feels Lorenzo suffers. "He wants to find a girl from a lesser background and make her a princess."

She makes fun of every other girl, which makes Gigi like her a little better...particularly when she does an impression of pinch-faced Gina.
The Socialite goes on to say that it was hard living in the Bachelor house; like being on Survivor. Heh. She complains that people are OBSESSED with her. Right. The G&S Girls predict (and pray) that we never hear anything else about her once the show is over.

The show cuts to scenes from the Regis and Kelly show where Kelly is totally ripping on the Socialite. She does a pretty accurate impression of her, and it's BRUTAL. Fabulous. That was probably the pinnacle of the Socialite's fame. Her 15 minutes are way up.

Next Lorezno gets it from the ladeez. Aww yeah! Lisa stares at him like she may have a knife hidden under her seat with his name on it. Her eyes are shreiking, "YOU DIDN’T CHOOSE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! NOW MY PLAN IS RUINED!!!!!!!!"
He says,“It’s really weird kissing multiple girls…telling one girl you love her…” What? Who did he say that to? Lisa grins like a fool. Hmmm...did she trick him into professing his love? Where did she go wrong?

Lorenzo kind burns Jami when she tried to call him out for dumping her. He says that she talked about the Maserati, the jewelry, all the stuff—but not him. He didn't feel like she was into him at all. Good point, Lorenzo! Wait, did we just say that?

He burns the Socialite too! He says she'd have to be a "completely different person for it to work." Heeee! What happened—did Lorenzo get a PR coach after the show ended? He's full of the zingers! The Socialite actually looks embarrassed and like she finally doesn’t know what to say. Awesome. She has just the hint of that crazy smile, though. Maybe she and Lisa are going to team up to kill him.
Scenes of the final two are shown. There's the Virgin, and a montage of his bad kisses. Nice! Oh and another montage of bad kisses with Jen. UGH.

The ladies weigh in on who they think will be the girl for Lorenzo. There are 3 votes for the Virgin, and 7 for Jen. Doesn’t look good for The Virgin!

Gigi and Shakira 12.01.06