The Bachelor - Rome Episode 6

Lorenzo is dressed to impress in his flip-flops. Ew. The G&S girls cannot endorse. Men in flip-flops are a no-no.

First up: Sweden! It's a date with Jen. Lorenzo says he's hoping to see Jen's emotional side (is this a euphemism for boobs?), so he takes her to an amusement park. Oh yes, seems like the perfect way to bring out the emotions...or the boobs! Or maybe it's the motion sickness. Well he's sure to bring out something with this date.

Shakira notes that Lorenzo is wearing an old man cardigan, but Jen says he looks really handsome. Well as long as that look works for her. They seem to have fun at the amusement park and Lorenzo wins Jen a big red Swedish Clifford rip-off stuffed dog. Whatta guy!

Next they go to the bar at the Ice Hotel. Gigi is appropriately jealous, as she has always dreamed of going to one of the Ice Hotels. It's a hotel made of ice! How fabulous is that? The get delicious looking beverages, served up in big ice cube glasses!

Lorenzo asks Jen if she'd ever consider moving to New York....and away from her gun toting dad. Jen readily agrees! Sure...she knows dad could drive up and kick Lorenzo's ass if need be. Hell, her dad could kick Lorenzo's ass over the phone.

Time for a romantic dinner. Lorenzo is now sporting a sherbet-colored sweater. Dude, did they let him dress himself in this episode? What the hell? He asks Jen some personal questions:

Has she been in love? Yes, she has. Twice. She is cute and seems a little embarrassed to be discussing it. She says that one love was when she was young and once was as an adult. That last love really broke her heart. She concludes that this means she is now ready for marriage. That's some interesting logic, Jen.

She asks Lorenzo what makes a good relationship. The G&S girls are disappointed, as they really wanted to hear more about Lorenzo's past loves. He gives his usual generic answer about how people in a relationship need to have things in common, an understanding, the ability to listen...and the ability to keep it fun. He feels that things go bad when people start getting distant. Hmmm...all true, but one wonders if he knows why things get distant and has some idea of how to keep things from getting that way. Does he know how to "keep it fun?" He just seems naive about all of this stuff.

Finally, the key to the "Fantasy Suite" arrives. Jen, of course says "yes!" to Lorenzo's offer of the overnight date. Does anyone ever say no to this? Wouldn't you be out of the running? But, ooooooh....a fantasy suite! The G&S girls immediately picture a a dungeon with whips and chains, feathers, ball gags, one of those sex swings. The girls have vivid imaginations. Disappointingly enough, it's just a big hotel room. At least there are strawberries and champagne available.

Cut to some hot tub kissing. Ew. Luckily we are not permitted badk in the Fantasy Suite with them. There's only so much a viewer can take. Still it does seem like Lorenzo really likes Jen. They have chemistry. Maybe she could work out the kinks in his kissing.

Next date is in romantic.....Budapest? Yes, Budapest. It's the sexiest city in Hungary! This date is with Lisa. Lorenzo has become suspicious of her since their hometown date where he saw her collection of wedding magazines, heard all about her Plan to get married and have babies all before age 30, and saw her in a wedding dress. If those things didn't clue him into her insanity, who knows what would have. Lisa, however, thinks the hometown date went well! Wow. She might be as delusional as the Socialite!

Lorenzo and Lisa go to a wine festival. Ooh, awesome date. They're gonna get ripped! He asks Lisa about her viewing of the Bachelor show in the past. Lisa reports that she didn't like some of the Bachelors, in fact she thought the last one was a tool! But she LOOOOOVED the show. Lorenzo wants to know if she applied to the show before she knew he was the Bachelor. She admits that she did. Not good.

They go to dinner and Lorenzo asks her more penetrating questions. Lisa says she's been in love twice. The first time was in college and they "lost the passion." She admits that she started seeing her second love before things were completely over with the first. Eeek. And it gets worse: Three weeks after her break up with her second love she applied to be on the Bachelor. Is anyone sensing a pattern of desperation? Things are not looking good for the Plan, Lisa.

Still, Lorenzo takes out the Fantasy Suite card. Lisa fucks up again by not even letting him get the question out. She rips it from his grasp, says she knows what it is and YES, she'll spend the night with him!!

"She knows the only way she can pull this out of the toilet is with a really great b.j." says Gigi. "She's gonna have to break out the porn star moves!"

"Seriously!" Shakira agrees. "If she wants to win..."

They go back to the Fantasy Suite and the lights go out.

The next date is at a Sicily resort with the Virgin. The Virgin seems excessively nervous about the overnight date. The G&S girls don't get this. Lorenzo doesn't seem the type to demand sex on the overnight date. Besides the b.j. from Lisa, he probably hasn't gotten much in the way of action while on the show.

They go scuba diving in a pool and they kiss under water with the masks on. Oh Lord. That's cheesy. Next they get outdoor massages. The Virgin says that this is a first for her. Hmmm...will there be other firsts this evening? Yeah, probably not. They then massage each other, thereby undoing the benefits of the professional massages. And grossing the audience out. Lorenzo says he's looking forward to seeing how they are together "behind closed doors."

At the romantic dinner the Virgin seems like she's about to pee her pants. She's all freaked out and says that all she can think about is the Fantasy Card! She goes on and on to the camera about how she's a "classy conservative woman." OK, why does she think she has to have sex with him just because their spending the night in the same room? Can't she just keep the panties on? Does she think Lorenzo is a big old molester who will be unable to ravish her? This just seems really odd.

She finally tells Lorenzo that is freaked out and has actually lost sleep thinking about the overnight possibilities. Lorenzo looks horrified. He tells her he likes the classy conservative gals and just wants to spend time off camera with her. He actually handled it in a very nice and respectful way. So they go back to their big gorgeous room and have a nice nonsexual pajama party. All is well.

Rose time! All of the ladies look nervous. To nobody's surprise, Lorenzo gives roses to the Virgin and Jen.

Lisa is crestfallen. Poor, sad, scary Lisa. Lorenzo sits her down and tells her that he couldn't pick her, because if he asked her to marry him he would never have known if it was because of him or because of her timeline. Ouch...but true. She needed to hear that. The G&S girls wonder if it will sink in. If she'll get that nobody wants to be the "insert guy" in her timeline. It doesn't make them feel special.

Later, sobbing in the limo she says that Lorenzo is wrong and that she'd never just MARRY someone because of her timeline!!! The G&S girls bet that she'll be married within the year. Anyone with us?

Gigi and Shakira 11.28.06