The Bachelor - Rome

Episode 4

AAAAAHHHH!!!! The Socialite is back to judge the "truth" of the things the ladies are saying behind Lorenzo's back. The G&S girls don't know how she will be capable of this, considering that she lives in a fantasy land.

Socialite says that a princess should be "fun, exciting, honest and have a good heart."

"She should also be able to feel a pea under a pile of mattresses." Gigi points out. Shouldn't the Socialite know this?

The Socialite will pick two girls and reward them for their Princessocity with individual dates. She already finds Lisa unworthy and she hates the Italian girl, so there are really only four to choose from. Her first pick is the Virgin. The G&S girls agree that she is really Princess-like.

The Virgin gets into the limo with Lorenzo and finds out that he'll be flying her somewhere in his plane. Eeek!!! The Virgin is a little scared, but then she gets excited by the the flight.

"I'd make out with him!" she enthuses.

"But that's ALL!" Shakira adds.

"Maybe a little over the bra action if he does a loop or something," says Gigi.

"But no touching him!" Shakira finishes.

Instead of making out, the Virgin gets the chance to fly the plane a little. That seems dangerous, but way more fun than making out with Lorenzo.

They land the plane and somehow end up in a hot tub. They talk and drink wine, but Lorenzo doesn't even try for the kiss. Weird.

Shakira notices that Lorenzo looks a little like her ex, Nurse Egon. Eeeek!!! Could Nurse Egon be Prince Egon? He too enjoys mundane activities and pizza. It's a definite possibility.

Lorenzo and the Virgin have their romantic dinner. The Virgin tells him how happy she is that he did not get rid of her after finding out that she is "saving herself."

"I respect that," he says. "You're just looking for the right person. What could be wrong with that?"

The G&S girls get the feeling that Lorenzo thinks he is that "right person."

The Virgin gets bold and tells Lorenzo that she knows he wants to kiss her. He happily accepts this invitation to plant a big awkward wet one on her. He gives her the rose and then more icky kisses. Ugh.

Next is the Group Date. Lisa is pissed that she has to do the group thing once again. She says that she "didn't come on the show to make friends." Yes, friends are probably not part of The Plan.

This date is a toga party with games. How frat-tastic!  It seems that the girls are going to race chariots in order to win a wish from Lorenzo. Could they wish that he takes a few kissing lessons?

Jeannette uses her racing skills to win the wish...but she can't decide what to wish for. Kissing lessons, Jeannette!!!

The Italian Girl pulls Lorenzo away from the group. She says that she didn't like it when he went on the date with the Virgin. He likes that she is jealous, because he is an insecure dork. He asks about whether he'll understand her parents if he goes to meet them. Italian Girl says she'll translate for him. He seems happy with that and mauls her cheek.

Meanwhile Lisa and Jeannette chat about the possible Hometown Dates they will get if they make it past this round. Lisa has a Plan (of course) with every detail mapped out. She will take him to the dog park near her house and then they will go for gelato. Hmmm....they've been in Italy, but she'd like to introduce him to the superior gelato they have in Illinois. Sounds promising.

Jeannette takes Lorenzo off for a chat. He is still wearing the gladiator foliage wreath around his head, which makes him look all the dorkier. Jeannette has finally come up with her wish: she wants Lorenzo to enjoy himself for the rest of the date. Huh?? What kind of Giving Tree bullshit is this????? The G&S girls are disgusted with Jeannette's stupid wish. Even Lorenzo thinks it's lame.

It looks like the Socialite has picked Jennifer the teacher for the other individual date. She and Lorenzo share a huge beer in a horse drawn carriage, while Lorenzo tries to be a tour guide. He's all, "Everywhere you look, there's something cool. Like that. And uh...that!" Has he really spent time in Rome before? He tells her that they are heading down what is sure to be her favorite street. Oooh, surprise, it's the shopping street! "It's a girl's dream and a guys nightmare!" he says, showing that he's learned everything he knows about the ladies from Tim Allen.

Then they have their romantic dinner...overlooking the Vatican? Sure, Catholicism can be very romantic. They have boring conversation and Lorenzo is wearing some ugly white suit, which is just weird and unflattering. Maybe it has something to do with the Pope.

The show cuts back to the House of Desperation where Lisa and the Fallen Mormon are drinking and discussing how hot they think Lorenzo looks in the white suit. That's it girls, you are cut off! They then decide to go skinny dipping. Wow, this would be expected from the Fallen Mormon, but how does skinny dipping help Lisa's Plan? Perhaps she wants stories of her "crazy" side to get back to Lorenzo. And she probably wants to see if the Fallen Mormon has any bodily imperfections.

Back to the romantic Vatican dinner. They are still having boring conversation. They go into how each of their parents met, and it's all blah, blah, blah, perfect lives...not the least bit interesting. They drink more and hold hands.

Lorenzo simplistically believes that there is one special person for each person in the world.  So he is giving the rose to Jennifer. Does this mean he thinks she's "the one?" Well he knows he wants to meet her parents, so that's a start. When Jennifer has the rose in hand, she drops the bombshell that her dad is "a little crazy." Hmmm....

Back at the house, Lisa is obsessed with getting a rose. The Plan seems to be unraveling and she is freaking the fuck out!

But she composes herself when she talks to Lorenzo. She lies her ass off, telling him that his individual dates with others don't bother her, because she knows it's all "part of the process." She smiles sweetly at him.

The Fallen Mormon is all upset by Lisa, because Lisa "knows all about the Bachelor show!" Apparently Lisa studied the show before coming on. Fallen Mormon thinks that this gives her an unfair advantage. Did they not have access to non-cable tv in Utah?

She, Italian Girl and Jeannette each take Lorenzo aside at some point to plead their cases to him. They all say basically the same things. They are "serious" about him. They "feel something" for him.

Finally, it's time for the Rose Ceremony. There are only two roses and four girls!

He picks:

Italian Girl and Lisa. The Plan is working!!!

Jeannette and Fallen Mormon both cry about how "open" they've been and how "deep" their feelings are. Barf.

Fallen Mormon whines bitterly about how Lisa and Italian Girl "aren't in it for the right reasons." The G&S girls wonder what the right reasons to whore yourself on tv are, exactly?

Next episode: Hometown dates! Stay tuned.

Gigi and Shakira 11.06.06