Power Ballads: Awww Yeah!

The Power Ballads evening opens with one of Shakira's personal favorites: “Love Bites.” Although the line about looking in the mirror is weird. And then the girls learn that the words at the end of the song are: “If you have love in your sights, watch out—love bites.” You know, that part with the weird Casio keyboard sounding underwater rapping? It's actually a warning. Hmmm.

“More Than Words” by Extreme is up next. Awww, those guys are…not cute anymore. Their hair is long. Really really long. Are they singing this song to each other?

REO Speedwagon sings “I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore.” Neither can the G&S girls, REO.

Hey look! It's Cyndi Lauper, (“Time After Time”) who is a crossover special! The girls saw her at Ladies of the 80s. The video confuses Shakira. Where is Cyndi going on the train? Why did her man help her pack? Why does she have a glass dog in bed instead of a stuffed one or a real one? Gigi cannot help answer her questions, but she does remember how romantic this song was at one time.

“Don't Know What You Got Till It's Gone.” Who the hell is singing? Ah, this is Cinderella. The girls find it shocking that so many men in the Power Ballad era had no qualms about wearing long hair, eye makeup and sparkly robes that look suspiciously feminine. Now those are some men confident in their sexuality.

“Sister Christian” is up next, by the ever popular (dare we say one-hit-wonder?) Night Ranger. This video is cool, and Shakira remembers singing this song on the river. It was called “Tooberin” and the words were really funny when she was drunk.

Yes! It's time for Journey! Shakira texts GWH that she is forever his, faithfully, and he texts back: “Don't stop believing.” Their love…it is deep.

GNR grace the screen with an old favorite: “November Rain.” This strange video is based on a short story entitled “Without You” by Del James. Shakira has always wanted to know how the girl died. She also fell in love with Slash when this video came out. God, look at the way that man plays a guitar! It's so sexy, and this 80s effect has not lessened with time. Gigi loves Axl's bride's short and skanky wedding dress. This nine-minute song is awesomely done.

“Is This Love?” Whitesnake asks. There is sexy finger snapping in this video, and more poofy man hair.

Speaking of bad hair, Richard Marx plays “Waiting for You” next. Shakira decides a bathroom break is in order.

Oooh! Another crossover band! The Bangles sing “Eternal Flame.” There are lighters.

Steve Perry of Journey makes another appearance, this time as a sassy solo artist in “Oh Sherrie.” Hey, if she married him, her name would rhyme. And Sherrie should also look into wearing a bra.

Bad English and some seriously poofy man bangs roll onto the scene next with “When I See You Smile.” The guys in this band try and whale on the guitar, but frankly, no one can equal Slash's prowess.

Warrant comes on next to tell the audience that “Heaven Isn't Too Far Away.” Awww.

Bonnie Tyler sings “Total Eclipse of My Heart.” Who is Bonnie Tyler anyway? Is she a one-hit wonder? This song made it into Shakira's playlist because it was mislabeled under Fleetwood Mac. Ha!

The crowd is treated to yet ANOTHER Journey song—who is clearly the favorite here. This one is “ Separate Ways ” and Steve Perry's shoes and matching tanktop are really awesome. The video looks like perhaps they are on a dock somewhere…unloading wood?

“Pour Some Sugar On Me” by Def Leppard is up next, followed by “Sweet Child O' Mine.” Shakira salivates over Slash some more.

The ballads are almost over, and the hosts tease the crowd with one more song. The crowd is chanting for Poison—what's more Power Balladesque than “Every Rose Has Its Thorn?”—but Bon Jovi hails from Jersey and wins out with “Shot Through the Heart.”

The girls are disappointed by the lack of Poison, but nonetheless the show is both powerful and ballad-ful. Rock on!

-Gigi and Shakira 03.22.07