Pop Culture Commentary

So I've been passing some downtime these days with many guilty pleasures: sort of storing up the decidedly indulgent memories and experiences so that I'll be ready for the hard work my first semester of law school. You know, working hard right up until working hard just doesn't make any sense. Said guilty pleasures and pursuits include the following: watching lots of TV, including all the One Tree Hill episodes EVER, reading heaps of fiction, getting drunk with girlfriends, getting drunk with my boyfriend, sleeping late, spending money on frivolous things like a line of skincare products, and reading stuff on the web that doesn't enrich my mind AT ALL.

Oh yeah, and when there is a Sex and the City, Beverly Hills 90210 or Dawson's Creek rerun on TV while doing any of these other things, all the better. This means that some of my best Friday nights involve reading gossip sites while drinking a glass of wine during one of the college eps of 90210 . And then GWH comes home and we take the party to the porch. No, life could NOT be better.

So a couple of things arise in all of this exhaustive research of pop culture.

1. The Constant Boyfriend/Girlfriend Swap : How would YOU feel if your new college roommate started dating the boy who broke your heart less than a year ago? This one is a Dawson's Creek storyline. Joey not only doesn't mind, she gives Pacey and Audrey her blessing . Maybe I'm just a huge bitch, but that wouldn't sit well with me. They did it on 90210 too—David dated Donna and then her cousin, who turned out to be her sister. David and Donna got married at the end, so that was all water under the bridge, but still. Weird, anyone?

2. Hollywood DUIs : Okay, I know I'm not the first one to comment on this, but it seems so obvious that I just have to weigh in. Ladies? Get. A. Driver. If I have the cash to grab a cab at the end of a long night, Paris, Lindsay, Britney…you have enough money to call a Town Car, or ask your bodyguard to pick you up, or SOMETHING. Perhaps you could slum it in a Yellow Checker. Gawd.

3. Hollywood Weight : Speaking of weighing in, and something endlessly commented on, I just have to say it: stop calling these poor size 6 women fat. It's giving all of us a complex, and it just sucks. One of my favorite bloggers—who I love mainly for his snarky, bitchy commentary, so don't get me wrong, but—called both Kelly Clarkson and Mandy Moore fat recently. Seriously? I looked at the pictures and nearly wept. Because Mandy and I? Look damn near similar in a swimsuit. If she's fat, then I'm a whale.

4. People Who Suck : My turn to be rude. Nicole Richie. Shut up. Paris Hilton. Shut up. What are you people famous for, anyway? These friggin' bimbos also manage to take their show The Simple [SUCKTASTIC] Life to a friggin' fat camp during its most recent season. Are you kidding me? Can you IMAGINE having one of these idiot heroin chicks “helping” you lose weight? I would absolutely refuse to participate, and get my ass to Jenny Craig immediately.

5. Singers Who Think They Can Act : Oh my God. One Tree Hill is a big fan of using this one. One Tree Hill is about as cheesy as it gets—GWH haaaaates it, I love it, and that's how I know it's good—but Tyler Hilton? Can barely read. He's horrible. I just finished watching a couple of eps in which Pete Wentz stars as Peyton's love interest. He is positively a TROLL. [Should I mention here I think I have PMS?] He's short, he can't act, and he's all teeth. His scenes are painful. I am sure there are singers who can cross over—I mean JLO did it, er, wait, not so much—but dudes? Stick to your core competency. Just because you're an artist, it does not mean you're multi-talented. [ I might be alone in this one, though, as I recently Googled Tyler Hilton and saw many many fan sites dedicated to his mad acting skills. It made me sort of sick, and again, weeping for the future .]

-Shakira 07.12.07