Playa del Carmen: Day Five: A Study in Lethargy

Deseo, Room Five. 10 a.m.

GWH: Are you running this morning?

Shakira: No.

GWH: Are we humping this morning?

Shakira: Yes.

Deseo, Courtyard Bed with Canopy. 2 p.m.

Shakira: I feel like I’m in Persia.

GWH: You feel like you’re in Iran?

Shakira: No. Not really.

GWH: I feel like I’m in a detergent commercial.

Shakira: Pass the guacamole.

GWH: Yeah. Need another drink?

Shakira: Yes. Make sure they put some alcohol in it this time.

Deseo, Room Five. 4 p.m. Shakira folds towels in the bathroom.

Shakira: Did you put your glasses on the hook?

GWH: Yeah.

Shakira: That’s off the hook.

GWH: Actually, they’re on the hook.

Shakira: I just meant it was a good idea.

GWH: Oh. Yeah, thanks.

Deseo, Room Five. 5 p.m.

Shakira: I’m so tired.

GWH: Me too. I want to sleep all the time.

Shakira: But that’s all we’re doing lately.

GWH: I think it’s unavoidable as we slide further into lethargy.

Shakira: You wanna take a nap?

GWH: Yeah. Then let’s eat.

Deseo, Room Five. 7 p.m.

GWH: …and that’s what Chick Days are.

Shakira: If you had asked me 20 minutes ago what Chick Days were at A&M, I would have had a completely different answer—something about trading your girlfriend for a sheep. Put them both on a line and whoever gets there first—

GWH: Eliminate all natural advantages: girls on all fours.

Tequila Barrel, Table for Two. 11 p.m.

GWH: That bowl game might not be on TV because it doesn’t exist.

Shakira: That would make sense. Margarita?

GWH: Yes. And no more of that wackass tequila that gave me the funny dreams.

Shakira: Shit. I think I just ordered it for you.

GWH: I hate this commercial. Thugs don’t play poker. They roll dice. Everybody knows that.

Shakira: Speaking of thugs, have you seen the episode of Reno 911 where they’re under investigation for beating up the milkshake guy? Dangle’s ball is totally hanging out.

GWH: Did they actually show it? Can they show a nut on cable?”

Shakira: Good question.

GWH: Have you noticed what’s going on in the bathroom here? It’s either a BJ party or a coke party in the bathroom.

Shakira: Either way, it has something to do with blow.

GWH: What the hell is this?

Shakira: I think we’re watching Rollerball. Wasn’t that some sort of cult classic in the 70s?

GWH: That reminds me of a discussion we had recently. Don’t you think our generation is really slacking on the hovercraft?

Shakira: No shit. Pass the guacamole.

-Shakira 01.01.05