Still Not a People Person

I have previously mentioned the fact that I am not the type of girl whom one would call a social butterfly.  While I sometimes like to go out and have a good time in the company of others, I am definitely more of an introvert.  But occasionally I make the mistake of trying to go against my true nature, especially in order to further a cause I believe in...or because I've had too much to drink and why shouldn't I get up on stage and sing with the band?  Well this rant is unfortunately about the former, which is too bad because the latter is more interesting.  Not to worry, next time the latter happens, and I'm sure it will, it's going on Darkside of the Drunk.

But bear with me while I rant about last Saturday when I worked at a fashion show benefitting two causes I could get behind: a foundation for breast cancer research, and fashion - specifically my friend Killa Gorilla's designs.  Sadly, I was asked to sell raffle tickets to the crowd.  It is a testament to my love of Killa Gorilla that I did not run home after getting this assignment.  Raffle ticket selling may not sound so bad to you, but it's definitely a level of hell for me.  I felt that the only job worse than the selling of raffle tickets would be staffing the kissing booth, where I'd be required to kiss strangers while hiding my revulsion.  I am not such a good actress.  Raffle tickets it was!

The tickets themselves were a cute pink, and the bag I was carrying them in was both attractive and functional.  So I was off to a good start.  I figured I'd practice on an easy mark: my lovely roommate Lola.

"Hi! Would you like to buy a raffle ticket to benefit the foundation for breast cancer research?" I asked cheerily. Or so I thought.

"Why do you hate me?" asked Lola.

"What?"

"You're words say, 'buy a raffle ticket!' but your eyes say, 'Die!!!'"

Shit.  This is one of my worst defects.  When I am required to act in a friendly and outgoing manner, my true nature usually betrays me through my facial expression.  I wish I had a ski mask.  And sunglasses.  Lola suggested that I have a beer before starting out.  So I did.  And it seemed to loosen me up a little.  Someone else suggested that I acknowledge my misanthropic thoughts and not fight them, but try to imagine them becoming bubbles and then floating away on the wind.  Hmmmm.....

"If that doesn't work, more beer!" said Lola.  She is so smart.  I promised to try.

So I did try and things started off fairly well.  I didn't like approaching people, but I tried to think of it as a game.  It was good cause, after all.  Shouldn't it have sold itself?  Apparently not, as it seemed that people would rather spend money on booze than breast cancer research.  Cheap bastards!  I turned nasty thoughts like that into little bubbles that floated away, and then I had more beer.

I was up to 15 tickets sold, and was very pleased with myself.  And then I approached a middle aged guy who looked friendly enough.  He was having a beer and grooving to the band.

"Would you like to buy a raffle ticket to benefit breast cancer research?"

"What kind of research?" he asked.

"Dude look at the signs all around you!!"  I thought, but turned it into bubbles, let them float away and explained that the raffle was to benefit breast cancer research.

"Ohhhh..." he said, and for some reason this made him smirk.  Uh-oh.  Then he said, "That's a good cause, don't you think?"

"Yes, I do."  Hence my approaching you when I'd rather be reading a book at home, jackass.  Bubbles, floating, smile.

"You might need that foundation someday, huh?"  he remarked, still smirking. And he actually leered at my chest.  Are you fucking kidding?!  To make sure that I got the point he said it again.  To my boobs.  Wow, that was smooth.  The ladies just love it when you remind them that they might get cancer while you ogle their chests.  Don't they?  Apparently the Ladies Man thought that this was tasteful banter.  I told him that we ALL might need the foundation someday.  But I wanted so badly to beat him to death with the roll of pink raffle tickets that it became impossible for my anger to turn into bubbles and float, so I just walked away.

Happily, Killa Gorilla decided I'd be better at a more behind the scenes job at this point.  And I ended up playing "pageant mom" with Lola, where the two of us dressed and primped the models before they got on stage and fed them beer between clothing changes.  That was more to my liking.

So I reaffirmed that approaching strangers and sales of any kind are simply not for me.  I can't do it.  I am unable to pretend to be friendly in a convincing manner.  I just can't turn my evil thoughts into bubbles and get them to float away.  And even all the beer in the world won't make me a people person.  Damn.

-Gigi 02.10.04