Please
Stop Talking to Me. I Don't Like You.
So I'm hanging out at Café J's last Saturday night when I
run into this guy. Contrary named him Original Sin the first time
we met him over at Gas Light. He claims to be a doctor. I don't
know. He gave me a card, but you could have those things printed
up anywhere. Anyway. Original Sin likes to hang out at bars and
drink crappy beer and hit on the pretty ladies. I don't know if
he has any friends. And I think now I know why.
Original
Sin:
So, you just got back from Austria.
Shakira:
Yes, it was beautiful. What a great time.
Original
Sin: How did you find the Austrian people?
Shakira:
They were very nice. Actually, everyone was very nice.
Original
Sin:
Really? I hate all Europeans.
Shakira:
Isn't that a little harsh?
Original
Sin:
Well, I think you'll find a lot of envy.
Shakira:
Oh, they're envious of us and our rock star lifestyles so they
hate us?
Original
Sin:
Precisely.
Shakira:
So when I told people I was from Texas and they gave me a lip
curl and practically spit the word "Dubya" at me, that
was envy?
Original
Sin: Of
course.
Shakira:
It
has nothing to do with world politics?
Original
Sin:
What, you don't think they agree with some of our decisions?
Shakira:
Uhhh no. I don't. I don't particularly agree either.
Original
Sin:
Well, we had to go to war because—
Shakira:
You know what? We're totally NOT going to agree on this, so just
stop talking about it, huh?
Original
Sin:
Right.
Uncomfortable
silence.
Original
Sin:
So this year I think I'm going to get my pilot's license and a
plane.
Shakira:
Yeah? Expensive hobby.
Original
Sin:
Yeah, well, I like to travel but I'm always on call. So I figure
I can get home faster than if I fly commercial.
Shakira:
Yeah,
well, what if you're having a beer?
Original
Sin:
I'll be sober by the time I get there.
Shakira:
Uh huh. Because no one ever crashes those little Cessnas. And
drinking would definitely not impair your flying ability.
Uncomfortable
silence. Please, I beg the guy on stage silently, please begin
playing. Loudly.
Original
Sin:
I like your freckles.
Oh.
My. God. You're still talking?
Shakira:
Thanks.
Original
Sin:
So. What's your heritage?
Noooooo….you
didn't. And while you're at it, just tell me I'm "easy
on the eyes."
-Shakira
01.26.04
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