Shopping for Boys: A Review of Online Dating

Some people are born for online dating...others have online dating thrust upon them.  It sort of happened like that for me.  Last October I was breaking up with the Invisible Boyfriend and moving out of the apartment we shared.  I was on his computer, snooping...I can admit it.  His reasons for wanting to break up, like many things he expressed, were vague and wishy-washy.  I wasn't sure whether I should really give up on the relationship and leave.  I looked at his browser's history and got a big ol' clue. Online dating sites.  Lots of them.  Ouch.  "Well, thanks a LOT, Invisible," I thought.  "I haven't even moved out and you're already trolling the web for ladies?  Good luck with that, Mr. Personality.  I'll be making my exit now."

My feelings were hurt...and I was pissed.  I looked at one personals site with total disgust....when a realization slowly dawned on me.  I noticed that there were a bevy of cute menz on the site.  Hmm...  I did a search in my area and...oh my!  Lots and lots of cute guys.  It was like a cute guy store!!  I could just add cute menz to my cart.  "Well, well, well," I thought, "Let the healing begin!"

It took me a while to actually post an ad.  The idea was scary...and besides I needed a few weeks to get over my post-breakup annoyance with all men.  But after 3 weeks I was ready.  So I began my profile.  Lots of stupid questions.  Who the hell comes up with them?  What do they really tell you about someone?  I was skeptical.  I was also feeling rather sassy and I answered the questions in just that way.

Favorite sex scene? "The one from that porn where all the porn stars are firefighters."
Favorite song to put you in the mood? "Anything you croon to me, baby!"  (I almost wrote "put on some Manilow and watch my panties slide to the floor!" but I thought better of it...)

Oh I was on a roll.  Then I took my own picture...which is not an easy thing to do...and posted it all up there.  And I didn't think about it again until I checked my e-mail the next day.  Good God!  I already had messages from potential victims...uh...dates.

And so it began: e-mailing, corresponding, meeting a few...then weeding...then starting over.  I learned to hone my weeding process so that I didn't go out with most of the menz I talked to.  I had to hone my ad a little, too.  It seems that when you jokingly mention porn and then choose only "friendship" and "dating" and not "serious relationship" as what you are looking for, certain guys think that means you'll come over and mess around with their girlfriend while they hold the video camera.  Um, no. That's not what it means for me.  But thanks!  It wasn't like I felt totally opposed to a "serious relationship" but it just seemed like a lot of pressure to be seriously looking for a relationship when you don't even know if you have sparks yet.  I didn't want to expect anything and I certainly didn't want anything expected of me.  I just wanted to see what would happen.  But what the hell, I wasn't promising anything so I added "serious relationship" to my profile.  This stemmed the tide of kinksters...except for the one lone weirdo who wanted me to drive up to Dallas and masturbate for him.  Right. Because if I really wanted people to watch me masturbate I probably couldn't find anyone in the Austin metro area to be in my audience.  But I digress...

So now it's almost six months later.  Dude, I have gone out on SO MANY dates.  I met eight online guys in person, but I didn't feel much spark with most of them.  I did have fun with many of my dates and they were all pretty nice people.  A few of them were kinda boring but nobody was evil.  All in all it's been a positive experience, even though there have been no love connections.

But I've decided to give up the online dating, at least for a while.  When I compare my online dates to the guys I've met in person while just out and about, the in-person experiences win out.  The drawback to the whole online thing for me is that you have no idea if the chemistry is there until you meet your e-mail pal...but you already know things about him and he knows things about you.  Eek!  It just feels awkward to me.  It takes me a while to decide if I like someone and I guess I really can't know that until I meet him in person and hang out with him a few times.  Then I can see whether I feel comfortable with him, like hanging out with him, want to see him naked, etc.  A few times with the online guys it seemed that I was at a way earlier stage of dating than the guy I was on a date with.  That tended to freak me out.  These guys felt like we already knew each other and I really don't like it when someone acts like he knows me better than he actually does.  But I'm weird like that.

I do recommend trying the online dating, particularly when you are just getting back into the dating process.  It triples the amount of available menz in your path, which is definitely a great thing.  And you can shop for them in your underwear.  Bonus!

-Gigi 05.12.03