New Year's Eve 06

I prepare for the night's festivities by getting 13 hours of sleep on the Eve of the Eve. It would have been at least 14, if it weren't for a pesky pug wanting desperately to snuggle up under my legs. What the hell is wrong with you Sammy???

So I drag myself out of bed to join LP at Juan in a Million, home of the enormous Don Juan breakfast taco, a legendary hangover cure. It is surprisingly good, even without the hangover! I wonder if it might be preventative and vow to find out that evening. All in the name of science.

After a grueling day of shopping at Target and the wretched grocery store, it was time to get ready for socializing. I apply caffeine, red nail polish and sparkly eye shadow in varying amounts...but after looking through all of the boring stuff in my closet, decide on casual attire. Jeans and a black shirt. Classicly understated. Ready!

First to arrive on the scene are Betty Lou and Kiwi, fresh from a 23 mile bike ride through the hill country. Good LORD! Naturally I, a documented Lazinator, am impressed and horrified at this accomplishment. Biking 23 miles would probably take me a week. And I'd have to get a bike. And, you know, pedal and shit. But Betty Lou and Kiwi describe their day as if it were a fun adventure and not one of Dante's levels of hell. Interesting. Kiwi did share a little altercation he had with the lady at the state park office.

"I just had a couple of questions, but she kept interrupting and telling me that she couldn't understand my language. I WAS SPEAKING ENGLISH!!" Kiwi has a very appealing New Zealand accent, but it took all of us a while to figure out that his vowels don't make the same sounds as our American vowels. Figure out the vowels and you're golden. You can translate New Zealandish right into Texan!

The others soon arrive, bearing even more food and wine. Oh how I love these people!! We commence eating, drinking and merry-making. I bust out the slang flashcards that Killa Gorilla gave me for Christmas and start quizzing people on their language skillz. Needless to say, my years of working with the youth of America have actually served me well in this respect. Unfortunately I sound like a complete jackass when I break out my street talk. Luckily I don't mind.

Now that we all have food and booze in our bellies and new vocabulary in our brains, it is time to get to partying. LP and I decide to hit Loverboy's New Year's Party, as it promises to be a good time.

Loverboy sure knows how to put out a spread. The liquor and snack selection could not be beat! We mingle with guests and find a couple of recent honeymooners who regale us with tales of their trip to Bora Bora. They took a luxury cruise and spent their vacation basking in the sun. It sounds totally amazing until the new husband tells us it cost over $25,000. Yikes. It still sounds amazing after that...but amazing in the way that a trip to the moon is amazing. It is no longer in my realm of possibility.

We move on to Loverboy's living room where someone has put Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve on. Dick Clark looks good and is awfully excited when he tells us that he spent last year re-learning how to talk and walk. He actually sounds pretty good for someone who had a massive stroke. Unfortunately the show is just kind of depressing. Maybe that's because it's clear that it is transitioning into Ryan Seacrest's New Year's Rockin' Eve. Or maybe it's Mariah Carey. Did you know that she had the number one album of the year? I did not, but Seacrest insists that it's true. Mariah's song sounds ok, but she soon starts in with that squeaky/shrieky, agitated dolphin sounding thing that she does and I have to walk away.

I wander to the bathroom where Loverboy has put up a piece of paper for everyone to write down their New Year's resolutions. Hmm....I haven't even thought about my resolutions. How did I get so behind? I resolve to see more movies. My standard resolution. I can't resolve any other stuff this year. I'm busy getting hitched while trying not to go insane.

Finally it is time for the countdown. We prepare by putting on dorky hats, grabbing champagne and roaring out the count to 2006. Wooo!! Happy New Year!!!!!!! I kiss my cute fiance, glug my champagne and light up a sparkler. New Year's multi-tasking!

My phone rings and it's Killa Gorilla! She is at the EastSide party we usually hit. It sounds crazy! She puts NPJ on the line.

"GIGI!!!! Why aren't you here? It's our anniversary!" NPJ and I had a very special New Year's kiss a few years ago. It saved my New Year! Killa Gorilla has presented NPJ with his very own phone, in honor of his nickname. NPJ stands for "No Phone J" in the Gorgeous and Sassy world. Will we have to call him J, now? NO! The sound of "Nippage" is just too appealing.

I get more drunken calls from my sister Zabi and my brother Kid B....who actually leaves me another message later on, as he forgot which sister he talked to earlier. That must have been some party!

I am ready to go at 1AM. Am I finally too old to party like a rock star? Nah. I have a lot ahead of me in '06. I better get my rest.

Gigi 01.10.06