Network Administrators on the Ping

The night begins with an interesting comment from an angry man who demands money for his "parking assistance."

"We don't carry cash," Shakira tells him.

"Yeah, we're gonna get guys to buy our drinks," Gigi agrees, and Shakira giggles.

The angry man is unamused. "Fuckin' po-lice punkass bitches!" he roars, walking away from them. Gigi and Shakira find the policewomen idea intriguing, but unlikely.

"We don't look like cops!" Gigi says. "Maybe Charlie's Angels."

"We just need a redhead."

The girls grab drinks at deVille and park themselves in front of the door. El Dilector unexpectedly shows up-what a treat! And the girls learn that MackTate's arrival is impending. Ooooh! A night on the town with the Network Administrators on the Ping.

El Dilector returns from the bar looking flushed but not displeased. He reports an ass grab.

"Was there cuppage?" Gigi asks.

"Yes, there was…and I don't know who did it!" he says, disappointed as he scans the crowd.

A not uncute guy and an entirely cute guy with sideburns keep staring at the G&S girls.

"Having fun ladies?" Not Uncute asks.

"Uh-huh."

"Cheers!" he says, and raises his glass. The girls toast him and then look at each other as he walks away. That's it? He and his friend Sideburns will continue to stare but not approach.

"Boys, where is your game?!" Gigi wonders.

MackTate arrives and it seems has though he "burned himself" or "walked into a door," as his neck bears a telltale red splotch. Shakira mentions his oddly placed "bruise." MackTate declines to comment.

Shakira takes a trip to the bathroom and finds that earth-granola girls have taken over. What concert just let out across the street? John Denver? Oh wait, he's dead…on a Rocky Mountain high…oops. She notices one of the earth-granolas wearing a shirt that begs the question, "Who Shot J.R.?"

"Dude, you weren't even born then," she mutters. What is the world coming to?

"Dude, it was Kristin!" Gigi proclaims and downs her drink.

The girls catch a glimpse of Monkey de Sade. Ewwwww. They've heard rumors about this guy. Speaking of rumors, El Dilector relates that NPJ has been asking about Gigi. The girls see him at the door, but Shakira accidentally insults him, and the girls must run away.

"We go Irish bar now!" Shakira decrees, borrowing El Dilector's favorite phrase.

At the Irish bar, Jimmy greets them with "E guls 'avin gut nayt?"

The girls just nod and give him drink orders.

"Not a word," Gigi says, shaking her head.

"We probably just agreed to have his children-again."

"We're part of Jimmy's harem! Ewww!" Gigi laughs. Then she laughs harder as Jimmy stretches to the top shelf to procure more whiskey, giving the girls a view of his ass in the process. Ewwww.

Some guy is filming his version of Girls Gone Wild. Unfortunately for him, all he gets of the Gorgeous and Sassy girls is a great view of Shakira's tonsils. Awww yeah.

Gigi keeps squeezing lime into her Dos Equis to make it more palatable. "It's a Citrus Fanta-beer!" she exclaims. "Delicious!" She heads to the jukebox to peruse the selections. "Where's 'The Rose?'"

The girls reflect on the strange repugnance of the long unkempt beard. "I mean, it's like, it could be teeming with fleas and you wouldn't want those…crawling anywhere," Shakira observes drunkenly.

Gigi can't stop laughing. She is really tout fucké.

Shakira is also rat arsed rotto. So much so that she accuses MackTate of being a skank as he enters the bar. Oops.

El Dilector offers to pay cab fare and cover at Pollyester's. Dude, cabbing it sure beats running from Logan's. Not that the G&S girls know anything about that…

Pollyester's presents its usual dorks-a-plenty. El Dilector drags the group onto the dance floor. Gigi picks up a guy from one of the wedding parties in attendance that evening.

"You better not be the groom!" she says as he attempts to fondle her.

Shakira is busy fighting off her new friend Othello. "I'm asexual." She attempts to dance in her space. He, however, keeps invading. "Asexual!" she reminds him.

"You're about as asexual as Aphrodite," he tells her, and she shudders with revulsion.

Shakira spies a white guy attempting to bust a move, to the song of the same name by Young M.C.

"Oh honey, let me show you how it's done." She hands her jacket to Gigi and struts her stuff. The crowd parts. Shakira and the white boy have a dance-off. It's just like Saturday Night Fever!

MackTate claims hunger and heads to the nearest Taco Cabana. El Dilector soon follows suit. The G&S girls are not to be deterred.

"We're closing this shithole!" Gigi proclaims. She ditches her groomsman and busts her own move with Lil' C, who's a way better dancer than the groomsman. Lil' C starts shaking his groove thang.

"That's not an ass! THIS is an ass!" Gigi pats her own bootie for emphasis. Lil' C whole-heartedly agrees. And drools.

Meanwhile, Shakira is observing some West Point men "dancing." It just looks like they're hugging. Oh, is that what they mean by camaraderie, or is this good old-fashioned man love? Damn, it's downright intriguing when the men are in uniform.

"Is that Rob or Fab?" Shakira wonders, watching a be-dreaded man doing his own version of "Blame It On the Rain." She's sitting on the bar taking a breather and trying not to lose Gigi when a military man approaches.

"What's up, hot ass?" he asks.

"Did you just call me 'hot ass?'"

"Yes, I did," he slurs, and tries to close his tab for the third time. "You have a hot ass. I'm from Massachusetts. How about you?"

"I'm from Ass-a-chusetts," Shakira snarks. "Are you one of the West Point guys?" She's referring to his haircut.

"No, I just told 'em, 'High and tight!'"

Shakira shudders. Heterosexual men should never say "high and tight." Much like "light and refreshing." She ponders this as High and Tight wanders back to the dance floor.

"Massachusetts rocks!" she yells. High and Tight looks around as if surprised. Who else loves Massachusetts? he wonders.

"Yeah! Massachusetts is wicked good!" Gigi screams.

Now High and Tight looks utterly befuddled as he stumbles toward the dance floor.

The hour has groweth late and Shakira needs to lose the bouncers who have congregated around her, asking why there ain't no ring on her finger. She collects Gigi from the dance floor and the girls head home.

Not a bad night for a couple of police punkass bitches.

-Gigi and Shakira 04.03.03