Top 8 Reactions of Guys When They Find Out That I'm a Librarian

I've been a swingin' single girl for the past four months and I must say that it's been really fun to sample from the variety of available menz. Naturally, the "What do you do?" question is always one of the first things that comes up in conversation. This shouldn't lead to weirdness, right? Wrong. When I tell people that I am a librarian, I never get the "Oh, how do you like doing that?" response. Oh no. It is invariably one of the following:

1) "So do you spend the day shushing people?"
Yeah, that's what I do. Idiot. Move on, pal…I can tell that you've never been in a library and that I hate you.

2) "Did you have to go to school for that?"
This one gets a similar response to the shushing one. It irritates me, because I hated every ass-busting second of grad school. For you to act like my job is something that a monkey could do is no way to pick me up. Go away, you ass.

3) "How about that Dewey Decimal?"
Ugh…I HATE this!!! I don't know why it bugs me so fucking much, but it does. And it's the most common reaction I get… the guy makes a Dewey Decimal joke or asks me if I know the Dewey Decimal System…or he just says "Dewey Decimal" and laughs. Why? Can't you think of something else to say?? Or are all of your witty comments this unfunny? And by the way, "Dewey Decimal" is not a person. You ASS!!

4) "You're lying."
Huh? Why on earth would I make up a job like "librarian"? Dude, if I were going to lie I'd tell you that I was a game show hostess or a secret agent or something. This is just a bizarre reaction.

5) "You don't look like a librarian!"
I am never completely sure what this means. Well what DO I look like? A game show hostess? I guess it's meant to be kind of a compliment, like "hey, you are more attractive than those old women who have their hair in a bun and glasses on a chain!" But I know a lot of librarians who are total hotties…and not many with buns and glasses on a chain. Whatever. I don't find this one offensive…just neutral.

6) "Can you get rid of my library fines?"
No, I can't. I'd get fired. I hate getting fired just to score with the menz. But you've actually been to the library? Hmm…intriguing.

7) "Cool."…and then he tells me what kind of books he reads.
This is my favorite reaction, by far. I love guys who actually read! Why is this so rare? Where are all you literate men?? Are you at home reading? God, that's sexy!

8) "Mmm…librarians…"
Wow, lots of guys have weird librarian fantasies. How fucked up is that??? I probably should be offended by this response…but who am I kidding? If you have some sort of librarian fantasy, then you are probably just the type of freak I like. Call me…

-Gigi 02.27.03