Gigi's Knocked Update

Other than Bachelor reviews I certainly haven't been writing much over the last few months. I must heartily apologize to my fabulous G&S readers. I have not meant to be neglectful and I still love you. It's just that this pregnancy thing takes a toll, yo! And life has become mainly about that...which does not seem so interesting to me. More accurately, it probably isn't so interesting to anyone BUT me. However, I wanted to provide an update in case you really are interested in a Gorgeous and Sassy pregnancy. So here goes!

Phase 1

Features: Denial. Four positive pregnancy tests. Acceptance. Excitement. Terror. Barfing. More barfing. Much more barfing.

The first trimester was a time of shock and nausea for me. And I had some unusual complications, so when I wasn't feeling nauseous I was pretty anxious about the pregnancy. I was afraid to be happy about it in the beginning, because it didn't seem likely that I'd actually stay pregnant. But because of my complications I was lucky enough to have ultrasounds every couple of weeks. It is totally amazing to see that you are actually carrying a tiny person in there when your belly isn't very big and you can't feel it moving. At my 12 week ultrasound, my baby did this crazy flip and was darting all around like a total maniac (clearly my lazy genes are not coming through...) and that was when I really got excited. Which was good, because that was also when I started getting fat. And I still had about a month of barfing....

Phase 2
Features: Surprises. Tubbiness. Flatulence.

The second part of my pregnancy was way more fun. I stopped barfing after 4 months...though it was not the promised switch flip most people told me about. It was gradual...then it was gone. Whew. So I started leaving the house again!
I also found out that I was having a boy. The ultrasound technician actually said, "Look, there's a perky penis!" Awesome. I will surely have to find a way to fit this in to a toast at his wedding or something. I started feeling the kid move around a lot at this point, which in my opinion is the best thing about pregnancy. There is nothing like it. It made me feel like I was carrying around this amazing miracle, which would get me all choked up because I was so hormonal. But dude, it is seriously cool. And a good reminder that you didn't just get really fat and gassy...there's a purpose to all of the heft. I'm not sure that there's a purpose to the production of trumpet-like farts in the manner of Grandpa. Not that I had that problem.

Phase 3
Features: Being large and in charge!

So now I'm in the third trimester. Basically this consists of being HUGE. At least it does for me. I've found it alarming for a while and now it seems others are finding it alarming. I've started getting comments like, "Damn, you haven't had that baby yet?" to which I want to reply "Yes, he was born a month ago. This belly is all beer!" It is funny how pregnancy seems to give a lot of non-pregnant people verbal diarrhea.

I am very surprised that it hasn't really bothered me when people want to touch my belly, as I am not generally a touchy/feely type and have never had the urge to touch a pregnant woman's belly, myself. But the people who have done it always have this overjoyed look on their faces and just seem so genuinely happy for me. And that is kind of nice. At least so far.

I have been fortunate to avoid most of the unsolicited advice that many of my pregnant friends received. One woman scolded me about drinking wine....which made no sense as I was in the supermarket produce section and not discussing drinking, nor sipping from a wine skin or anything. Maybe I was looking like a wino that day?

I have been absolutely shocked at how people feel free to ask about whether I am getting my son circumcised. I am even more shocked about the circumcision-related horror stories they share without being asked. And here is where I must rant:

First of all, WHY do you feel like it's appropriate to ask me a question about my baby's penis? Did you hear about the perkiness and become intrigued or are you just a COMPLETE FREAK?????

Also...the horror stories? They don't make sense. I am pretty sure your friend's baby didn't get an infected colon from his circumcision. Look at an anatomy book for Christ's sake. The foreskin isn't connected to the anus. Really. I checked the diagram again. And I don't know what medieval hospital your cousin's baby was born in, but the ones around here use a topical anesthesia. PS: I don't know ANY man who REMEMBERS the horrible trauma of circumcision or misses his foreskin and wants it back. So zip it, please. (And don't e-mail me if you are a man who misses his foreskin. Talk to your own mom about that.)

And for those of you who insist that I should get my baby circumcised? You can also put a sock in it. I don't want to hear about how everyone in the locker room will make fun of his uncircumcised penis...because that just makes me think that men are complete morons. Who needs to think that right before they have a son?! And I really don't think that uncircumcised penises are extremely prone to infection, because that is just nonsensical. There are plenty of people all over the world who are not circumcised and penis infections do not seem to be a rampant health horror. Besides, we're real big on bathing at my house. So either way, I think the kid will be fine.

You see, I am actually having a baby boy, so my husband and I researched all of this ourselves. I'm not discussing it with you and I don't need your input. Seriously people, a pregnant woman is still an adult woman who is able to research her choices and make her decisions based on the information she's gathered. She is not public property, nor is her fetus. It's simply not cool to approach someone who is in an obviously vulnerable state and bombard her with opinions and directives when she hasn't asked for them. USE SOME COMMON SENSE AND COURTESY!!!!!!!!!

Whew! Sorry. I'm a little bit huge and hormonal these days. But mostly I am very happy and excited. Hey, check out the mural that LP painted on our baby room wall! How cool is that? Thanks for the idea, Ready Made Magazine! And yes, those are my precious pugs under the orange trees. They have been waiting for years to be immortalized in art.

I just can not believe that I am going to have a son in less than two months. It is strange and daunting to know that LP and I are on the cusp of having our lives completely and utterly rearranged forever. And yet, it is also completely amazing and thrilling.

Gigi 01.07.07