The movie opens with the main character (The Bride) driving her Pussy Wagon to her nemesis’s house to attack her. I have no idea why she’s so pissed. There’s this crazy fight scene, culminating in Nemesis dying. Okay. So. Why should I feel vindicated for The Bride? I don’t care about her. I don’t know why she just slaughtered someone. And why is it funny to everyone but me that she’s driving the Pussy Wagon? It’s garish and ugly and disgusting. And wouldn’t the cops come arrest her? I would think one of the neighbors would have noticed the big orange Pussy Wagon being parked on the street right about the time that one of the Neighborhood Watch gang got bumped.

Okay, so I’m supposed to suspend reality, you say. So now we go back to how The Bride got to be where she is. Something about her wedding and people trying to kill her and everyone in her wedding party. She wakes up from her coma in the hospital. Is she in a hostile hospital? Why does she have to sneak out? Why doesn’t she call the nurse when she wakes up? Why does she see fit to bite some guy’s tongue off? I agree, he was completely violating her and that was pretty disgusting. But biting his tongue off and leading him to bleed to death seems a bit extreme.

I suppose eventually we find out what really happened with The Bride and her assassins and why everyone is so friggin’ angry. But the story is never presented in a way that I actually get it. The scenes cut back and forth between past and present so many times that I can’t keep track of what’s what. And now? Nor do I care. There’s this weird cartoon series about the character named O-Ren Ishii. I figure I needed to be high to watch and enjoy this part.

Once The Bride gets to Japan and fights off roughly 800 attackers, I am done. Forget it. Turning it off and going to bed. Quentin Tarantino? I don’t get you.

-Shakira 07.26.04