John Mayer Sucks

Okay, so. This guy John Mayer just won a Grammy for this song “Daughter.” The thing is, Gigi and Shakira hate it. HATE IT. And it’s on every radio station ALL DAY LONG. GO AWAY, John Mayer! And take your daughter with you. P.S. Your lyrics suck.

I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she’s just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change (she’s just smarter than you)
And I’ve done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands (if only it really was your heart, covered in blood, faintly beating…oh yeah, what, are you stalking her?)
Now I’m starting to see
Maybe it’s got nothing to do with me (or maybe it does because you’re annoying her)

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do (ewww)
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers (and ewwww)
So mothers, be good to your daughters too (is this an afterthought? Motherly love is not as important?)

Oh, you see that skin? (the skin that’s on her?)
It’s the same she’s been standing in (do most people shed their skin, like snakes?)
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she’s left
Cleaning up the mess he made (men are always messy)

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Boys, you can break
You’ll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong (oh please--men never get over their childhood issues…girls do, because they go to therapy)
And boys soldier on (open fire from a tower)
But boys would be gone without warmth from
A woman’s good, good heart (what? What?)

On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god the weight of her world (right, because girls have nothing else going on in their lives--thanks John for looking out for us!)

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too (shut up Ted)

-Gigi and Shakira 03.01.05