The Perfect Recipe

This whole health thing is getting rather ridiculous. I mean, seriously, people, this is not my New Year’s resolution. This is a way of life for me. I’ve been working out at least four times a week since college. I thought that throughout January and February we were weeding out the newbies who would never stick with it. But it doesn’t seem to be happening. Now? It’s nearly March and I can’t find a damn place to park. And once I do find a place to park, I get in the gym and all the elliptical machines are taken. Don’t I get some sort of seniority status? I should have one reserved. One with my name on it. Especially since come Friday and Saturday, when all those people are at home having lives or pigging out or whatever, I’m still at the damn gym!

Even if I can get things done at the gym, there’s the schizophrenic nutritionists out there who can’t decide what’s good for you this week. Is the Atkins Diet number one? Or is it The Zone? I read an article the other day about how the old 8-glasses-of-water-a-day is no longer valid. What? Is this some crazy government conspiracy by the cola lobby? Damn if I can’t find the link now. Avoid sugar. Avoid salt. Vegetarians die younger. Never mind – stop eating meat because it’s bad. Oh yeah, and drinking is always bad for you, unless you have one glass of red wine a day. Something about being good for your heart. And then there was that stupid documentary about the fast food industry. The guy ate McDonald’s three times a day for 30 days. And people were shocked at how bad it was for him. Really? He needed to make a documentary to prove that it’s not good to eat that stuff three times a day for 30 days?

And I’d like to say that I’m giving up and I don’t care. That I’m quitting the gym and saving my forty bucks a month. (Okay, I wouldn’t really save it. I’d spend it on shoes or booze.) That I’m giving up my low-fat vegetarian lifestyle and going back to McDonald’s, which I love. (And which I haven’t given up. A quarter pounder with cheese, hold the meat, medium fries will cure a mean hangover.) But I don’t eat that crap every day. I would love to say that I just don’t care what I look like or whether or not I’m healthy and I just…give…up. But I can’t. I’m way too gorgeous and sassy for that. So I’ll just deal with it. But I’m not happy about it, dammit.

-Shakira 02.22.05