Girls Reunited!

1994: Ali Cat, Girl Elvis, and I worked together at our college library where we were known for changing the computer passwords to anatomical terms, singing to each other on the intercom, and photocopying our sweet asses on the xerox machine. Our Thursday night Girls' Night was legendary. It was supposed to be a chance to decompress and watch our favorite hot doctor, George Clooney, on ER. It turned into vodka-fueled ranting about the assholes we worked with, the bitches we went to school with, and the guys we went out with. Often this would inspire a drunk rendition of "It's Raining Men" or "Sexual Healing" much to my neighbors' delight. Occasionally we'd make our way down to the adult movie store around the corner, where we'd rent schoolgirl-themed porn, only to quote our favorite lines back to each other later on. Oh yes, we were party girls.

2004: When did we all pass 30? What the hell? We all have respectable jobs. Both Ali and Girl Elvis are married with 2 kids. I am divorced with 2 pugs. I'm in a book club. Girl Elvis KNITS! Oh my GOD. Do the party girls we knew and loved even exist anymore? Let's find out:

I get off the train and hear screams of "There she is!" We all start screaming and go running toward each other. People on the sidewalk cross the street to avoid us. Hee...excellent start!

We immeidately make our way to Boca Grande, our favorite burrito restaurant back in the day. "Remember when we'd come in and they'd just ask if we wanted the usual?" Ali reminisces.

"A big bean and chees burrito with red sauce...mmmmm." I decide that I need one immediately. We all order our favorites and settle in to eating. Not surprisingly, our appetites have not dwindled over the years. I finish my burrito in record time and start eyeing everyone else's plates.

Our dinner conversation is of the "remember when" variety. There was the boss who hated us and the day she was nice...which made us remark repeatedly that she must have gotten laid...which she heard about...which made her mean and grouchy again. Ooh, and who was that hot guy Girl Elvis dated? "The Wolf!" He worked at the video store next door. We contemplate dropping in to see if The Wolf still works there, but decide against it.

"It's just not as hot to be working at the video store at 32," remarks Ali.

"Yeah...I'd rather not know." agrees Girl Elivs.

After dinner we stroll down the street and are sad to find that our favorite ice cream shop has closed. So the usual post-burrito cone is out. I can't believe how much we used to eat. How were we not 300 pounds? I think that dirty thoughts must burn calories. I immediatly commit to thinking twice as many dirty thoughts each day. Gotta stay healthy!

"Let's get a drink!" I shout. The girls are in. We go to the sports bar around the corner from our alma mater and order cosmos.

And that's when the talk gets down and dirty. And loud! Some quotes from the evening:

"I like to have a little wine before I give up the pootie tang."
"Yeah, I agree...booze really greases the wheels...if ya know what I'm saying."

"I thought getting my tongue pierced would enhance my oral skills, but the hubby doesn't notice a big difference. Guess the skills were always top notch..."
"I tried a guy with the tongue ring once and it did nothing special for me. I was just kind of worried that it would catch on something sensitive..."

"So we went to a strip bar for our anniversary. I got a lap dance! Dude, I had boobs in my face!"

"He keeps the porn in a special cabinet."
"In a cabinet? Is the porn behind the muffins?"

"Do you guys know what "roast beef" is?"
"Is that like "meat curtains?"
"EEEEEWWWW!"
"Those names are gross...my delicate flower is beautiful!"
"Yeah! Let's drink to it." <clink!>

"So, OK, I'm takin' a survey. Do you guys have the big "o" through penetration alone?"
"Nope"
"Uh-uh. I gotta have some good oral action."
"Dude, nobody I know has them the other way, but most things I've read make it seem like there's something wrong with me for needing other kinds of lovin' in order to get to the goods. Could Cosmo be lying?"
"What, Cosmo play on women's insecurities? No way!!"
"I think that lots of girls feel like they need to fake it."
"Not me...I want my cookies."
"Word! Let's drink to that!" <clink!>

At this point a couple on a date overhears our discussion. The man looks markedly uncomfortable. The girl looks highly interested. "Girl, you gotta train him!" Girl Elvis tells her. "You'll never regret it!"

The couple leaves soon afterward. In fact we notice that we have plenty of space around us in the bar. Hehehehe. Oh yes. We've still got the ability to clear a room 10 years later. On that note we decide to call it a night. We have one last toast to the Girls' Night Reunion. A smashing success!

-Gigi 11.01.04