Sorry Frasier A few nights ago I had the most weird and vivid dream. I was in a cabin or a chalet - some place with wooden walls. My rugged, outdoorsy boyfriend was at the sink shaving. By the way, he was Frasier. Not Kelsey Grammer, mind you, but Frasier the sit-com shrink. Only somewhat more manly with a big muscular chest. I don't know if Frasier/Kelsey has a big chest, but in my dreams all the men are buff and shirtless. My dreamworld is a lot like La Bare. Except Frasier was wearing boxer briefs instead of a thong. Anyway, while watching him shave, I decided right then and there that we needed to have "the talk." I said, "Frasier, I don't think we should see each other anymore." Frasier laughed, clearly doubting my sincerity. "I'm serious." I said. "I don't think we're compatible." I am never so direct in the break-up, so I felt good at this point. Strong and decisive. "Well," he said. "I'm a little surprised by all of this. I thought it was going well." And then he looked at me, his big blue eyes beginning to get all teary. And that's when I started to waver, the way I do in all break-ups. I start thinking of any excuse, just to get the hell out of there, even in my dreams. "I hate psychology," I said. "And your show...I don't really get it." That's it Gigi, play dumb. And then the weirdest thing happened. The tears in his eyes made an ice coating. As if he was looking at me through two ice lenses. It was creepy. He said, "OK, Gigi. If that's what you want." "I really am sorry." I said. But I was lying because all I felt was relieved. And I knew I had two other guys waiting in the wings. Apparently, I have plenty of back-ups in my dreams. Frasier just shrugged at me and went on shaving. The next scene in the dream was in a restaurant. I think I was on a date with another guy, but I was feeling sad about Frasier, because he really was a nice guy and I didn't know why I wanted to leave him so badly. I just needed to move on. Sorry Frasier. I've heard the theory that all of the characters in your dream are you. So apparently not only am I me, I am Frasier! I suspect that this dream has something to do with the major commitment phobia I had for most of my last few years of dating. For some reason I was completely uncomfortable with most relationships past the getting-to-know-you stage and I often ended things before they even had a chance to begin. And I suppose I was like old icy-eyed Frasier in some ways, not wanting to discuss feelings or work through stuff. Can you believe I got so many dates? I think that a lot of the boys like the commitment phobes. Until they get dumped with little explanation other than, "I've gotta go---now!" I think my biggest fear is that the guy I'm with will suddenly start taking my life and all of the fun in it away from me, little by little. It's not like it's an irrational fear. There is a certain type of man who starts out all Mr. Wonderful, and then slowly he begins taking things away with criticism and manipulation. They break you down. It starts with your girls' night out and it ends with your whole identity. In the end it's never enough. Oh sure, that sounds paranoid, but trust me, I've been there. I've dated (and once married) variations of The Taker before. It's not pretty my friends. In fact, it sucks. So I think I've just bailed out over and over before it could get to that point. But my relationship with LP was different from the beginning for some reason. Maybe I've been different, maybe it's the mix of our personalities. Who knows? LP encourages me in ways that no other guy has. I feel like myself with him. And I've never felt that strong urge to run. So last week I took a major leap of faith and moved in with him. It was sudden and unexpected, yet it seems to be a great thing. Still it has caused me some anxiety, which wants to manifest itself in fear of intimacy dreams starring Kelsey Grammer. Caving to commitment phobia is so much easier than having an actual relationship, because you never open yourself up enough to get hurt. But it sure is lonely. And it just gets old. So screw Frasier and his invasion of my dreams! He cannot scare me. I'm just going to hang in there and see what happens next. -Gigi 04.15.05