8 Rules to Make Football Bearable for Any Gorgeous and Sassy Girl

8 - Drink heavily.
Most football-watching parties will include beer, and if you're lucky—delicious snacks like queso. Start drinking when you get there, and you won't get bored if you don't get what's going on during the game. Plus any girl who will (1) attend a football party and (2) drink beer is one gorgeous and sassy chick…guys love that.

7 - Learn a couple of rules.
This will take you far. I promise. A quick guide:
A touchdown is worth 6 points.
A field goal is worth 3 points. If you can't make it close enough for a touchdown, you kick instead. That's a field goal.
An extra point is kicked after a touch down and is worth—you got it—one extra point.
If the team tries for a pass after the touchdown and makes it, it's worth TWO extra points. (This is a great one. Say "Think they'll go for two here?" You sound like you know what you're talking about, and any boy will jump at the chance to share his opinion.)
Each team has four downs. Think of a down like a "chance." You've got four chances to either move the ball 10 yards or score. The object is always to get to first down, which is 10 yards away. 1st and 10 = 1st down and 10 yards to go. 2nd and 2 = it's 2nd down and 2 yards to go. If you haven't moved the ball 10 yards by 4th down, you're out of chances and you usually punt it (kick it) to the other team.
Remember, NO ONE fully understands the kicking rules. Don't bother with it. The other stuff is more important.

6 - Pick a team.
Once you've done this, buy a really cute shirt—a baby tee or a tank top—and wear it on game day. That way you can get ready to go to a football party just like you were going to a real party. Try and get into rooting for your team when it's playing, or rooting against your team's biggest rivals. You have to be emotionally invested in a game to enjoy it.

5 - Don't ask too many questions—and DON'T ask them at the wrong time.
If some sort of crazy play happens and the refs are in a huddle and they're airing a replay, DON'T ask, "What happened?" Wait until the refs give the call.

4 - Pay attention to stupid player names.
Everyone gets a good chuckle out of some guy named Tebucky. See if you can convince those watching with you to take a shot every time you see a guy with an apostrophe in his name.

3 - Listen to the commentators say things that don't make sense.
Two good ones to listen to: John Madden and Pat Summerall. Both are older than the hills and will forget what they're saying halfway through it. Sometimes they identify the wrong receiver when his name is clearly spelled out on his jersey. And if you listen closely, you can hear the ice clinking together in Summerall's scotch.

2 - Watch the coaches to see if you can make out all the curse words.
After a really bad play, the cameras will definitely zoom in on the head coach. You might institute another shot game when he rips the headphones from his head or yells at the refs.

1 - When in doubt, nap.
It's a good excuse to say, "I was watching football all day," when you were really taking a nap on the couch.

-Shakira 10.01.02