1. A particularly touching episode of “Dawson’s Creek” makes you cry.

2. You ask your boyfriend stupid questions like, “Do you like my new purse?” If he doesn’t really have an opinion, you cry.

3. You see a picture of your and a childhood friend and you get all weepy for “the good old times.” Right. When you were seven.

4. You read an article about Angelina Jolie in Cambodia, so you decide to join the Peace Corps.

5. Your team loses so you beat the crap out of the couch with the newspaper. You think about crying.

6. The dentist tells you that they need to “open up” one of your molars, as it might be a cavity. You fight back the tears.

7. You open a present from your boyfriend’s parents and…well, you tear up. A little.

8. The scale is two pounds over where you’d like it to be. You envision yourself in a mumu, weighing 400 pounds, unable to get out of bed. Like, tomorrow. It’s inevitable.