These
Are the Five Questions Every Man Dreads?
Damn, I am a sucker. Why is it that when I'm logging into my e-mail
I frequently get sucked into one of those inane MSN "articles"
that are a complete waste of time? Why oh why? I can't seem to help
myself. So today I foolishly clicked on "Five Questions Every
Man Dreads and Why." And I knew it would be irritating. I have
DMS. Everything is irritating me. But
it drives me totally insane when I read about how men are very fragile
and we must be super careful not to upset them and cause them run
away crying. Grrr....
Anyway,
this "article" was written by someone named Dr. Brenda
Shoshanna. Uh-huh. Are they giving away medical degrees at Hooters
these days? Yeah that's probably her real name. Just like mine
is Gigi. That's Dr. Gigi to you, pal.
So
let's let the good doc lay it on us. How should we stifle ourselves
to assure adoration from the menz? Here are the questions a woman
must never ask a suitor, especially in bed. Presumably,
that is, unless you are trying to get rid of him so that you can
get some sleep. Then ask away!
1)
Are you attracted to other women? OK, I am assuming that
any man I make time with is not dead or blind. (Not that there's
anything wrong with it...blindness that is. Deadness is wrong.)
He is allowed to be attracted to other people. I don't want to
have a talk about the chicks he finds hot, though, because I don't
really give a shit. I think it goes without saying that he should
not ask me if I am attracted to other men. Or other women for
that matter. Hey, I am not dead or blind, either.
2)
What happened in your other relationships? Oh Dr. Shoshanna,
I just don't know about your "let the past be the past"
thing. Perhaps I wouldn't want to have this discussion while naked,
but I don't think it's so out of line. Maybe I've seen too many
Lifetime movies, but I kind of want
to know if he used to smack his ex around, even if it was "only
when the bitch was mouthy." I'm pretty damn mouthy. Just
ask my mom.
3)
Where (or how) do you think our relationship is going?
Hmmm....I can only imagine asking someone this in order to lure
them into a break-up discussion. "Really?
You think it's going well? That's kind of funny...."
4)
What are you thinking? Oh God. You know what? This is
NOT a girl question. I don't think I've ever asked this question,
but practically EVERY guy I've ever dated has asked me this and
I never know how to answer. I must freak them out when I'm not
being mouthy. What the hell do they want to hear? It's probably
good to go with an enthusiastic, "I'm thinking about your
amazing penis!" Try not to giggle.
5)
Do you enjoy being with your friends more than you enjoy being
with me? Oh COME ON!!! Who would ask this? "Do you
enjoy being naked with your friends more than you enjoy being
naked with me?" is a more relevant question, anyway. Ask
that instead.
Gigi 06.21.04
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