My Name is Gigi and I Am an Avoider: Part 1, The Dentist

So I am a little quirky. Some might say neurotic, but I prefer quirky. Aren't we all? So why was everyone so horrified when I told them I hadn't been to the dentist in six years? I guess it was a little weird that I developed a fear of dentistry when my marriage fell apart. Prior to that time I'd always kept up the regular visits. I suppose it could have been some sort of control issue...like after dealing with all of the emotional upheaval, I wasn't cool with the idea of sitting in a chair and submitting to poking and scraping of my teeth for a half hour. Or maybe it was lumped in with my deep anxiety about the cost of medical procedures...and how they are always way more than you anticipate, even if you have insurance. So I preferred to avoid. For six years.

But my teeth were not having it. I started having dreams that they were chipping and falling out and I'd wake up in a panic. I also began to notice that they were no longer brilliantly white, like Cojo's. If I wasn't careful, I'd have a mouthful of pearly beiges! But I still avoided the dentist and just bought those nifty whitening strips. Which work pretty well, though Cojo teeth do not seem possible for humans.

My teeth finally started to revolt when I drank something too cold or too hot, sending sharp pains that seemed to go straight through my brain. Still I managed to avoid, by drinking only lukewarm beverages. The final straw came when I was chewing some Fruit Stripe gum - you know the pretty, stripey gum that keeps its flavor for exactly thirty seconds - and part of a filling came off in the sticky, flavorless wad. You should never chew that crap with the teeth you want to keep. I'm just saying. But I should thank Fruit Stripe because it caused me to transcend my fears and go to the dentist.

So I made the appointment with my old dentist from six years ago, because I remembered liking him and his unassuming wood-paneled office, with inspirational posters on the ceilings, like my favorite "Hang in there, baby!" kitten. Oh yes, I would need all the inspiration I could get. In the week between making the call to schedule and my actual appointment, I was filled with panic. I almost cancelled at least once every day, which caused LP to ask, "Still going to the denist on Thursday, right?" every time he spoke to me. He was not as excited about dating a toothless woman as I had hoped. Go figure.

The whole dental office was actually abuzz when I came in. None of the hygienists could believe that I had gone six years without a dental appointment.

"Is there a prize for having the MOST cavities?" I asked anxiously. I was sure I had 10.

"We couldn't believe we had found your file after so long!" said the perky older hygienist, Pinky. "It doesn't look like Niles has had an appointment in that long either..."

"Er, I'm no longer affiliated with him." I said. "We're divorced."

"Ohhh." she said, "How long ago did you split up?"

"Well it was probably right around the last time I went to the dentist." I admitted.

She nodded as if this made perfect sense to her and proceeded to share how she avoided car maintenance for years after her divorce, like she had some sort of block against it. "Sometimes you just get weird like that for a while, I guess."

Then we started talking about how fun our post divorce dating lives had been. Well, she was talking, and I was making agreeing noises while she cleaned my teeth. We both had found Austin to be bountiful when it came to the menz. Of all ages. Yay Austin!

With all of the fun dating talk, I hardly noticed the dentistry! Awesome. And it turned out that I had only one cavity, and one filling that needed to be replaced. Really no big deal at all. I have no idea why I was so freaked out about it and why I let it go for so long. I guess I just got weird.

I made a vow to make regular, bi-yearly dentist appointments and to continue my good brushing and flossing habits so that I will have no more cavities and keep my teeth in my mouth instead of in a cup on the nightstand. Because, ewwww. I will also avoid that nasty Fruit Stripe gum forever.

-Gigi 03.11.05