Tips for a Cheap, Low-Cal Drunk

1. Go to the gym before drinking. This burns calories so that you can replace them with alcohol.

2. While getting ready for your evening (or day, or midday) out, put on some groovy tunes. Dance through your home. This burns calories, and prepares you for the dance floor out on the town.

3. Scarf down a quick dinner: Amy’s organic bean and rice burrito has about 200 calories and five grams of fat. It can be warmed in a microwave, which definitely counts as cooking. And hey, it’s practically free!

4. Have a beer or cocktail with your El Cheapo dinner. This means one less drink you’ll have to buy at ridiculous bar prices while you’re out.

5. Get a ride downtown with a friend/significant other. That means cab fare only one way.

6. Fall in love with vodka. It’s one of the lowest calorie liquors out there.

7. Refuse to go into bars with a cover. There are plenty of places that you can enter for free.

8. Resist the urge to eat a slice of pizza or a plate of fries while out. Distract yourself by watching drunk people instead.

9. Try and order drinks when someone else is offering to buy. You’re all topped off? No matter. If someone offers, take them up on it and drink two-fisted for a while. You just saved five bucks!

10. Brush your teeth immediately upon pouring yourself into your front door. No late night snacks…just fall into bed. You can always eat something really bad in the morning. Sleep tight you skinny, drunken fool!

-Shakira 03.28.05