Perhaps I’m heartless or un-American or something, but wow, I thought Brokeback Mountain really sucked. Yeah, I know, I’m totally alone in this. People love this movie! Even Gigi. Below, six reasons I hated this movie:

1. No one talks for the first five minutes. At least. Just a lot of staring. And then when people finally start talking, I can’t understand a damn thing. Because Heath Ledger mumbles.

2. Heath Ledger mumbles. Why can’t this guy enunciate?

3. Jake Glyllenhall is not all that. People cite him as a reason to see not only this movie, but many movies. And I really don’t think he’s hot. Again, not a popular opinion. I know. Sorry, people! His eyebrows need to be properly groomed.

4. Boring. The movie…is boring. So what if the scenery is gorgeous? I didn’t rent a travelogue.

5. The love scenes were kind of forced. I get it—these are cowboys having a hard time giving into their feelings. But they’re mashing their faces together and fighting while having sex. Just in case anyone is really uncomfortable with this whole gay love thing, the movie ensures they’re still being men while getting it on.

6. The ambiguous ending. I sat through two hours of this crap, to see what happened, finally, at the end. Warning: SPOILERS ahead. Wait, everyone and their dog has seen this movie. As Ennis hears from Jack’s wife the story of how he died, he imagines that his lover was a victim of murder due to this alternative lifestyle. Was he? Was Ennis paranoid? Did it really happen that way? I guess we are supposed to believe this, but it’s never clarified. And I find that annoying.