Boy Band Sing-a-long

One of the Mr. Sinus Guys, along with three other dudes the girls don’t recognize, have put together their own boy band. Their name is Cedar Fever, and Sweet Thang decides she likes Vest Boy. In addition to Vest Boy, who is decked out in a Vest, bandanna and sneakers, there’s Smart Guy (argyle sweater, slacks and glasses), Hispanic dude (weird facial hair) and Mr. Sinus. The G&S girls think Mr. Sinus is supposed to represent the well-dressed guy who tries to look suave for the ladies.

“Isn’t there always an ugly one?” Gigi points out.

“Yes, but they always have five members and Cedar Fever only has four. Maybe they're trying to avoid that.”

After a rousing rendition of their introductory song and accompanying dance moves, the audience is treated to a music video version of “You Gave Me the Clap.” This whole thing is downright hilarious. In fact, Shakira would prefer more Cedar Fever and less Backstreet Boys.

Why, you ask? Because the entire rest of the show is heavily Backstreet and NKOTB (New Kids on the Block, remember?) focused. Hell, the only reason she agreed to go was because the preview promised Bell Biv Devoe and Boys II Men. And then? ONE Boys II Men song. Granted it was “I’ll Make Love to You,” and brought back fond memories of introducing said lyrical masterpiece on 96.7’s Thursday night show with High School Cheerleaders of the Week.

“Awww yeah. I dedicated this song to my high school boyfriend!” Shakira recalls.

Shakira and Gigi have too much fun over the next hour or so deciding which X-boy would sing the lyrics to each song. Then they decide where GWH and LP fit in the Boy Band mold: GWH would definitely be the cowboy, while LP has such extensive musical gifts he’d be the lead singer. Gigi and Sweet Thang salivate over Justin Timberlake. Shakira frowns at the lack of Black boy bands.

“Robbed,” she mutters.

And poor Donnie Walburg. Definitely not the smarter brother. Seriously, look at Mark Wahlberg. Movie roles. The Funky Bunch. Producing Entourage. But Donnie? Just some really bad hair in every single video. You can count on that, all through the years. Sigh.

Luckily the words are on the screen for the lyrically-challenged people in the crowd, like Shakira, who spent a lot of time listening to Tiffany and BBD instead of boy bands in her youth. Wow. Animosity is a big word for these wittle boys.

“So, here’s the thing,” Shakira says, watching the spectacle that is a theatre full of ladies on their feet singing “Hanging Tough,” “Do the boys all share one woman? How do five boys sing a love song to a lady? Isn’t that weird?”

Gigi’s answer is lost in the stampede of girls to the front of the theater to dance with Cedar Fever. Things are getting really weird. White people are dancing with wild abandon while Justin Timberlake returns to the screen to sing “Backstreet’s Back!”

And G&S is out!

-Gigi and Shakira 06.15.06

Epilogue: The Boy Band Sing-a-long, combined with the generous flowing beer and wine of the Alamo Drafthouse, made for a lucky night for several Austin residents. But it had a particularly powerful effect on a certain G&S girl. Stay tuned...