The Bachelor: An Officer and a Gentleman
Finale

The announcer informs us that it's the "most romantic season finale ever." Yikes. The G&S girls decide that wine is in order. Stat!

They take a closer look at Tessa and Bevin, which means that they are showing old footage of the girls to eat up some time.

Then we head to Lancaster, PA, which is Andy's hometown. It's very all-American. And Amish, as well. Andy hasn't brought a girl home in eight years. Wow. How long has he been at sea? We meet Andy's parents and grandparents and they all seem very nice. Andy looks a lot like his dad. His dad is now pretty bald and almost has an "island in the stream" going on in front. So we know how Andy will age.

While Andy tells the family all about the two "amazing" women he has to chose from, the G&S girls notice the odd picture of a sad clown on the wall. Why??? Is the clown a member of the family?

Tessa is first to arrive at the Sad Clown House. The intros seems to go ok, and Andy's mom says she can't stop staring at Tessa because she is so beautiful. Wow! Then Mom asks, "Who wants to help with lunch?" Naturally Tessa does! The G&S girls hate this question. They never want to help, they'd prefer to sit on the couch and drink. Is that ever an acceptable answer? In the kitchen Mom asks Tessa where she sees herself in five years. Tessa says she'd probably be settled and possibly starting a family. With Andy? Who knows...

Grandpa says that he finds Tessa "appealing". In old-man speak it means he'd like to hit that.

They all go to the table and say grace. Then Gramps asks what her religious upbringing was like. Eek! Tessa grew up Catholic, which seems acceptable to the family.

Andy's sister Susie offers to grill Tessa further on her feelings about Andy. She asks her about her reservations and whether she'd want to be with Andy in real life...and move to Hawaii to be with him. Tessa assures her that she is 100% into Andy and that she is ready to move forward with him. Susie is pleased and reports back to Andy.

Next up is Bevin. Jeez, she is meeting the family that very same day for dinner. Hmmm...hope they didn't get too drunk at lunch! Or maybe that would work better for Bevin. Who's to say? Bevin is smart and brings flowers to Mom. Good move.

Dad asks Bevin what she does. Bevin talks about how she does research with old folks and how she's particularly interested in working with Alzheimer's patients. It's all going well until for some reason she decides that she needs to tell the ultra-conservative family all about her latest research on menopausal women's sexuality. The room gets quiet and uncomfortable, but that doesn't necessarily mean that Mom and Grandma aren't intrigued.

At dinner, Andy tells Bevin that his parents have been married for 36 years and his grandparents were married for 60. Damn! Those Baldwins are all about longevity. Luckily Bevin realizes this is not the time to mention her shameful divorce.

Gramps asks Bevin if she'd go "anywhere" with Andy. Well since "anywhere" seems to mean Hawaii, it's not exactly a difficult decision, but of course Bevin says yes. Then he asks the religion question. Bevin was raised in the Baha'i faith. Andy's family has never heard of it, so they move on.

Mom, Grandma and Gramps talk to Bevin. Grandma tells Bevin that she's "drop dead great!" Wow. Even though Gram seems a little drunk, that was nice. She tells Bevin to "make it happen" and that she'll help. The G&S girls suspect that she wants to get in on that sex study.

Later Andy sits down with his parents to talk about how Bevin has overcome lots of things, grew up with little money, worked through college, etc. Apparently they don't know a lot of people who don't come from Stepford. Run Bevin! Mom thinks that Bevin is crazy about Andy and that can be a draw. Gramps thinks that Tessa is more guarded than Bevin and that Andy is more "turned on" by Bevin, but is that what counts? Gram chimes in with "Of course!!" The rest of the family isn't so sure.
Grandma asks him which one he'd rather have children with.

"They should ask him which one he'd still want to live with when she's 8 months pregnant and all huge, teary, unwilling to have sex with him and blaming him for the whole situation." Gigi say. Still no pregnancy amnesia for Gigi.

Andy says that both of the ladies would make good mothers. The family says that they like both the ladies and have no issues with either of them. Thus they are no help to Andy.

Back in Hawaii Andy will have a final rendezvous with each of the girls. Bevin is first. They meet on the beach and Bevin jumps into Andy's waiting arms. Andy has a surprise for Bevin. It's a helicopter ride! Bevin is less than thrilled with this plan, as she has a fear of flying. She goes anyway, and squeals hysterically for most of it. She claims that she's having fun, but it doesn't sound like it.

Later, on the ground, Andy asks her what she needs most from a man. She says she needs unconditional love, understanding and a best friend. Lucky for Andy she said nothing about this special fella needing a 10-inch schlong! She asks Andy what he needs most in a woman. He needs her to be energetic, compassionate, romantic, nurturing and a great mother. Boy he is really hot to procreate, isn't he?

Andy asks Bevin if she'd be happy in Hawaii with him and Bevin is all, "Um, I'm pretty sure!" Hello, it's Hawaii and he has a smokin' bod. Wait, he is serious and needy. He really wants to know how she feeeeeeeels. Though he cannot reassure her about his own feelings. Well that's comforting. Bevin tells him that she'd be happy with him.

They go sit on the porch and watch the waves. Andy again asks her a version of the "what are you looking for?" question. God, Andy. You are killing the viewers and making them drink. She says she wants a man who is committed to her and to family. She once again says that she could see herself being happy with Andy. Then they eat some cake. Later Bevin asks what Andy sees himself doing on his 31st birthday. Andy replies, "Getting married." Eek! Bevin asks if he's serious...he'd want to get married on his actual birthday. Yes he would. It's ALL about Andy. Bevin then gives him a present. It's a card and a watch. Because Andy gave her a watch when she hurt her ankle.

Bevin tells Andy that she is very happy...in fact, she's the happiest she has ever been. Then she tells him that she loves him. He asks her if she's serious and she says that she is. They make out and she says it again. Andy tells her that he loves her too. Wow. He says that this is the best moment he's had in the whole journey.

Andy leaves, and he's walking sort of funny - as if he's packing a little wood in those khakis. Hee!

The next day Andy meets Tessa on the beach. He is still feeling like she hasn't "opened up" to him. She feels this way too and says she's finally going to "go full throttle" and open up to him. Oh goody.

Andy and Tessa's date is horseback riding. Andy thinks that this is romantic, but the G&S girls feel that it's too sporty. Andy likes the sporty dates, though. The G&S girls would not be good matches for this bachelor. After the ridin' there's some frolickin' in the ocean. That seems more fun and romantic. Then they have beers on the beach, which is the best part of all of it, if you ask G&S.

Andy says that sometimes the greatest things in life take the greatest risk. Well, it looks like there's a philosopher on this date! Tessa tells the camera that she is really into Andy and that she'll have to let him know tonight. She really wants to be the winner! Back at the room they order some food in and she gives him a present. It's a collage of all of the fun they've had together. She says that she's falling in love with him and doesn't want to go back to life before him. She tells him that she loves him. He says that he loves her, too. Hmm...that's two for two on the whole "I love you" thing. This seems like it might pose a problem. Andy gushes over the collage Tessa made. He says that he can't believe she found all of the words she put in there. Um, hello? They're called magazines Andy. They are also handy for ransom notes.

They make out for a while and then Andy leave...again strutting the boner-walk. Poor guy.

The next morning is the requisite Bachelor running scene where he contemplates his choice while exercising. He says he doesn't know what he wants. Could this be true? It would seem so, since he told both ladies that he loved them. Eek!

Both of the girls sit on their porches and think about Andy. Tessa writes in her diary.

Andy goes to the ring store. Wow, those are some pretty and sparkly rings. He picks a gorgeous round diamond. It's a classic! The G&S girls approve. But which girl will he give it to? And will he cop out, like Lorenzo did, having his choice wear it around her neck or whatever rather than proposing with it? What was the point? If you're gonna go on the Bachelor and ABC is going to give you a huge ass ring, why not propose? It's not like you can't decide to call of the engagement at a later date.

The girls get dressed and have their makeup done. They both look beautiful. And Andy has put on a suit, which makes him look particularly scrumptious. Wow.

First up is Bevin. Hmm...that probably doesn't bode well for Bevin. Her red dress was an excellent choice...at least she'll look good if she has to get her heart crushed.

Andy tells her that she's beautiful and that he loves her....but alas, he can't pick her. Someone has touched his heart more deeply. He is crying when he says this. It's actually believable and really sad! Or maybe it's the wine that the G&S girls have been consuming throughout the episode. Either way, it's an emotional moment. Bevin looks crushed and just kind of leans into him. She cries and he walks her to her car. He says he'll never forget her.

She cries in the car and says that he doesn't love her. She says that she gave her heart and he didn't want it. The G&S girls have been there and feel for her. They wish they could take her out to a bar.

Meanwhile, Andy recovers and says that Tessa is like a wish come true for him. Well that's sweet. Tessa approaches, looking lovely in her blue dress. Andy launches right in telling her that she's what he's been looking for and that she makes him feel like a king. They kiss and then he gets down on one knee and proposes. She says yes! The G&S girls are embarrassed to admit that they found it really romantic. Andy cheeses it up a little by then asking Tessa if she'll accept the last rose, which she does. They kiss and the Officer and a Gentleman theme plays as another season of the Bachelor concludes.

See you next time!

Gigi and Shakira 05.30.07