The Bachelor: An Officer and a Gentleman
Episode 5

The show opens with Andy doing exercises on a boat while he waits for the ladies. Mmm. Andy certainly has a nice fit body going for him. Why is he on this show again?

The girls arrive and they all go sailing. Woo-hoo! It seems they have broken up by hair color. There's the blond group and the brunette group. No red heads, silver foxes or baldies need apply. The brunettes ask Andy about his pet peeves. Andy claims not to have any, and says he is low maintenance. Tessa is peeved by thin socks on carpet. Okaaay. Amber is annoyed by clapping in the movie theater. Word, Amber. The G&S girls agree that this is dumb. Shakira's pet peeve is pet stories. She doesn't want to hear all about the cute way Fido chases his tail or whatever. So keep it to yourself. Gigi has many pet peeves lately, as she has a little of the postpartum grouchiness. Don't even talk to Gigi.

Andy visits the blonds, next and barely gets to discuss anything before Bevin gets him to go off and play with the kayaks they brought along. The other blonds get pissed and pout. And that's pretty much it for the sailing date.

Back at the Mansion of Desperation, Stephanie2 is summoned for an individual date. She is excited and says she will "put it on the line." The G&S girls wonder what the hell she is saying. What is she putting on the line, exactly? Does she even know what she means? She puts on kind of a bad outfit of skinny jeans and a belt around her shirt right at the waist. This is an odd sort of 80s-esque fashion trend. G&S does not endorse this trend. We do, however, endorse this date: creating wine blends by mixing different wines. Fabulous! Andy tells Steph2, "The wine tastes beautiful, like you." Er, what? And ps, ew.

They create a special label for their wine blend by flicking paint. So this was a fun art and science date with booze, too! Excellent. Andy directs Steph2 to stick her hand in the paint and then put it on her heart. Then they kiss. He tells the camera that Steph2 needs to open up. He asks her questions and she just sort of stutters out half answers. She needs more wine. Andy thinks that she is young and doesn't know what she wants. Uh-oh. Sounds like Steph2's days are numbered on the Bachelor.

Meanwhile, at the MOD, the group date box arrives and Tessa's name is not on the invite. This means that she has scored the individual date. Bevin is totally pissed, because she wanted the opportunity to tell him about her divorce. Apparently she couldn't do that in all of the other individual time they had together because she was too busy whining about other things. Still a DIVORCE. This is always such a big, hairy deal on the Bachelor. Finding a spouse by being part of a giant cat fight on tv is apparently fine, but the D word says bad things about your character.

Bevin pulls Amber aside to tell her that as 23 (Amber's age) she wouldn't have been ready to settle down. It's so annoying when people think that their life experience is EVERYONE'S life experience. Amber is naturally annoyed. She says that she's a mature 23 year old and she raised her siblings, etc. She basically tells Bevin to mind her own business. Bevin then cries to the camera about how she's so much older than the others (she's 28, not 42 - but whatever) and she's ready for seriousness and settling down. Yes, all of the constant crying is showcasing your maturity, Bevin, as well as your emotional stability. Good work!

The group date sucks, once again. The girls are doing community service! It's nice and all, they are fixing up a playground for poor kids, but it's not a date. Maybe they are being punished for being on such a stupid show? Andy is very impressed with all of their hard work. Then the kids come out so that he can judge their mothering potential. They all do surprisingly well, though Bevin looks like she might be a touch more comfortable eating glass. But Andy feels he's got a good group of future baby mamas there and the date is a success.

Time for the individual date with Tessa. Andy tells the camera that he needs to show her what kind of man he is. Hmm...that sounds promising! He arrives at the MOD with a diamond necklace and bracelet for her to wear on their date. The other girls are seething! Then he brings her to the Nicole Miller store to buy a dress. He's big on dressing up his ladies. She picks out a really pretty red number and she looks gorgeous in it.

Andy feels like he has to chase Tessa and that it is making him work harder. Hello? That's Love Psychology 101. Where have the rest of these ladies been? They are all so desperate and easily impressed. No wonder he's interested in Tessa. And Tessa appreciates him making a romantic date for her and tells him so. Then they make out.

Back at the MOD for cocktails, Andy says that he wants the ladies to put themselves "out there." They all do the whole job interview type thing with him again, all, "I would be good for you because of x, y, and z." It's just kind of sad.

Finally, it's rose time! The G&S girls are betting that Tina and Steph2 are outta there.

Andy gives roses to: Bevin, Amber, Tessa and Danielle. Finally the G&S girls have chosen correctly!!!

Andy hugs them goodbye, but doesn't seem too sad to see them go. Tina says she "put it on the line." Steph2 cries. It's all pretty standard.

Next episode: Hometown dates!

Gigi and Shakira 05.10.07