The Bachelor: An Officer and a Gentleman
Episode 4

The Host Tool gathers the ladies in the living room of the Mansion of Desperation for an announcement. They are going to Tahoe! On a private jet! Where there will be 2 group dates and 1 individual date! Woo-hoo!

Bevin is extra sad about her hurt ankle and thinks that Andy will have more fun with all the other girls. He would have more fun with all the other girls even if Bevin's ankle wasn't hurt, as her emotional barometer seems to be set at the constant level of "sorry for myself." Boo-hoo-hoo. Stop your whining and enjoy the free vacation.

The girls arrive in Tahoe to find a gorgeous hotel suite. The G&S girls are jealous and impressed. Wow, this isn't even the sex...er...overnight date. Or is it?

The first group date is a night o' gambling. What fun! Bevin has a breakdown and sobs about how she HAAAAATES her crutches. She feels like she can't get ready for the DAAAATE! WAAAAH!!! All of the other girls are suckered into helping her to get ready. This would have been an excellent time for one of them to "accidentally" shave off one of her eyebrows or something, but none of them go for it.

At last they are sitting at a table with drinks in their hands. Andy asks, "What is your most romantic location?" Nicole yells out "Cabo!" Bevin pouts and says, "I don't know." Andy, as usual, loves her damsel in distress routine. He is, after all, a healer. He pulls her aside and she starts bawling and whining to him again. Andy asks her if she feels the electricity he feels when he touches her. She sniffles out a yes. They kiss a little, and she is electrocuted. Or so the other girls wish! They bitch at the table about how Bevin is milking things and now she gets to make out with Andy on the group date. Too bad none of them thought of sacrificing a body part first.

They start playing craps. It's craptastic! Stephanie2 is a little pouty and Andy (the healer!) pulls her aside next. Wow, the whiny, me-so-sad thing really gets him. He loves a girl with emotional problems. His mom must be a little crazy. Danielle is dumb, because she doesn't try the whining at all. She tells him she feels a "connection" with him and they kiss a little.

At this point the G&S girls decide that a drinking game is in order. They will take a drink any time someone says they feel a connection, or that they have an open heart, or they they have put their feelings "out there" or "on the line." They might as well drink when someone says they have "strong feelings" too, as the show is getting really boring and liquor could help.

Now it's time for "special quality time" with Andy. The G&S girls decide to drink to "special quality time" too! Just because. Anyway, this date's SQTw/A is in his hotel suite. Ooh! He picks his favorite little wounded bird, Bevin. Up in the room he tells her that he'd like to be an astronaut. Wow, an officer, gentleman, doctor AND astronaut. He's a jack of all trades! Bevin finds this hot, so they make out. He asks her where she wants to be in a year, keeping in mind that he'll be in Hawaii. She catches right on, saying that she will be in Hawaii, too!

The next group date is skiing. Kate has never skied, because she hates snow. Who hates snow? Kate is so much fun!

Andy gets on the back of Tessa's skies. He says he feels a "connection" with her. (Drink!) Tessa tells him about all of the tension in the house. He seems to really like her, but maybe not as much as he likes whiny Bevin.

Stephanie1 tells the camera that she is NOT there to make friends. It's a good thing, because she is not making any! She says she wouldn't hesitate to throw someone under a bus. She bitches away about the other girls to Andy. She tells him to watch out! She also tells him that "other" girls are upset and annoyed about how he has kissed some and not all of them. She is totally obvious and insecure. It is sad. She is throwing herself in front of a bus and she doesn't even realize it!

Kate (the fun girl!) also bitches to Andy. She says that some girls say that he tries to kiss them and they turn their cheek. Huh? This incenses Andy for some reason and he demands to know who said such a thing. She says it was Amber...coincidentally the girl who got the individual date in Tahoe. She also says some mean things about Stephanie1 - it's like she's turning the bus around to run her over a second time! Kate says that Stephanie1 is trying to mold herself into what Andy wants. Oh yeah...Stephanie1 has been pulverized by the bus. Ouch. Sadly, all this pain is happening on Steph1's birthday. She knows that she's in trouble when Andy tells her happy birthday, but then picks Tina for SQT. Drink!

Poor Stephanie1! She goes back to the suite to drink and stare out the window. The other girls laugh at her and say she's crazy.

Tina doesn't gossip to Andy during her SQT with him. They have dinner on the mountain and chat. It seems really nice, but not particularly romantic.

Meanwhile, Amber is excited about her individual date with Andy. Ooh, they're going to a bed and breakfast! Maybe Andy the Bachelor is getting extra sex...er...overnight dates, because he's a military man. Don't let the terrorists win, ladies! At least let him get to second base in the hot tub or something....

There's a fire roaring in the fireplace, fondue on the table and the wine's a-flowin' at the B-n-B. Party time! Andy kills the mood by brining up the bitchings of the other girls, like that whole issue about the cheek kissing or whatever. Cheek-kissgate. Amber tells him that she is trustworthy and he seems to believe her and drops it, because he wants to get to the hot tub.

They make out in the hot tub, only pausing for Andy to make astute observations like, "This is really romantic." Then he says he's going to make it more romantic...

"Is he going to bring out the 'little lieutenant'?" Gigi wonders. Nope, it's just the rose. He presents it to a gleeful Amber and then they resume making out.

The next day at the MOD all the girls are getting moody...and they are totally starting to hate each other. Steph1 invites more scorn by announcing that her dress is "smokin' hot." Well, it's certainly tiny and it shows a whole lotta boob. She says she will definitely be getting a rose tonight!

Bevin eyes the dress and wonders to the other girls if it's "appropriate." Kate just comes right out and says Steph1's looks like a stripper.

Bevin steals Andy away as soon as she sees him. They try to have a romantic moment, and Andy attempts to push her hair out of her face repeatedly. However it is so shellacked that it keeps falling right back down. This makes the G&S girls laugh and laugh. Though it could be all of the liquor they've consumed at the Bachelor buzzwords.

Kate tells Amber that Tina said that Amber said that she almost had sex with Andy during their special B-n-B date. Amber is shocked and perturbed. She runs to Andy and tells him that there are HORRIBLE rumors going around. She says, "Think of the most HORRIBLE thing you could say about someone..." How funny is it that the HORRIBLE thing is sex with Andy?

Tessa expresses her doubts to Andy once again. She says that maybe she should leave because she takes things more slowly than the other whores...er...girls. She says that maybe her feelings aren't as strong as theirs and she should just go. Naturally the hard-to-get routine works for Andy and he asks her to stay.

Rose time! The G&S girls are betting that Nicole, Steph2 and Danielle will get the boot this time

Andy gives roses to: Tessa, Danielle, Bevin, Tina and Steph2

Kate is angry, but composed. Nicole sobs and says that she "put herself out there!" (Drink!) Steph1 thinks that Andy cut her loose for selling out the other girls. Yeah, maybe...or he might have noticed that all she has going for her are big fake boobies. She looks crazily enraged and spits out, "I guess when you love someone you want them to be happy. Let him go be happy." Hmmm....she does not sound like she really wants him to be happy. Instead of "be happy" you could easily substitute the words "drink poison" and it would make much more sense with her tone and expression. She's scary. Watch out Andy!

Gigi and Shakira 04.30.07