Bachelorettin' Part 2 - Four Tiny Aunts and a Piano Bar

It's two days before Gigi's wedding and she's totally freaked out. She has never managed stress well and has been unable to sleep for three days. Her phone won't stop ringing and the Battle of the Crazy Mothers has become epic. They won't stop buying crap, making to-do lists and asking hysterical question after question.

"If either of those bitches asks me anything else, I am going to cancel the whole fucking thing!!" Gigi yells. But nobody hears her because she is in the shower. Hiding. She is too afraid of the demanding mothers to leave the bathroom. Besides, it's the only place where she can be alone.

Miz T. knocks on the door. "Uh, Gigi?" she says soothingly, so as not to disturb the crazy bridezilla, "They've both gone to the store, so you can come out now."

Miz T. has seen Gigi through many stressful times and knows exactly how to handle her insanity. She has told the mothers that she's taking Gigi to her hotel room where she'll be napping and unable to come to the phone. Then she kidnaps her. Thank heavens for Miz T.

Gigi feels much more human after a nap and a sandwich from Subway. She dons her Bride-to-Be tank top and gets ready for one last party.

Yes, yes, we all know that Austin is the Live Music Capital of the World and all of that happy horse shit. But Gigi loves the Cheesy Piano Bar, so that is where they are heading for her night. This party has many special out of town guests. Miz T and Ali Cat are 2 of Gigi's college buddies and are visiting from New York City and Boston. Gigi's sister Zabi is visiting from Florida and her cousin Lilo is here from Colorado. And then there are Gigi's aunts. You might not think that five women, all under five feet tall and between the ages of 42 and 64 would be able to party like the Hilton sisters. And that is where you'd be wrong. Those Hilton bitches would be hospitalized for "exhaustion" (why are celebrities the only people ever diagnosed with this?) after a night with the Aunts, 'cause Gigi's family possesses the partying gene. Gigi may not have much else going for her hereditarily, but she comes from a long, long line of funmakers.

Austin girls, Shakira, Sweet Thang and Buttercup put in some early requests so that Bon Jovi is playing when Gigi arrives. Awww, yeah! It is particularly impressive that Buttercup is out, as she is 6 1/2 months pregnant. But that will not keep her from singing along to the sweet tunes.

Piano Man Sam invites Gigi onstage. She sits next to him and he proceeds to tell the crowd the tale of his exciting and tumultuous affair with Gigi. He says that they used to "make sweet love" all day and night. Gigi's mother, Mrs. G. looks shocked! The Aunts hoot with delight. They always knew Gigi was one of them. But Gigi just shakes her head and says, "You wish Piano Boy!" He then sings a love song, just for her. Awww.

The ladies knock back drinks, throw in their requests and roar along to the tunes. The Piano Man has an amazing playlist. All of Gigi's favorites: Journey, Billy Joel, more and more Bon Jovi. Awesome. Mrs. G. puts in her request and Piano Man Sam is momentarily stunned.

"Uh, I see I have a request for 'Kokomo'? My response would have to be Koko-NO!" He crumples up the request and tosses it aside. Nevermind! More Bon Jovi!

The Aunts buy a round of shots and start the conga line. Aunt Madge has met a handsome young fellow who is out for his bachelor party. Piano Man Sam has him do a sexy dance for Gigi. That bachelor can really dance! It soon becomes clear that his skillz exceed those of a normal guy. Shakira and Sweet Thang bet that he either works at La Bare or he's marrying another guy. They soon find out it's the latter. Of course! Gigi stuffs a dollar in the bachelor's waistband and wishes him the best of luck.

Zabi requests the Rascal Flatts Song "Bless the Broken Road" for Gigi. It reminds her of the rocky path Gigi took to get to her true love, LP. Gigi gets teary listening to the lyrics. She is so happy to be marrying such a fabulous guy! She has never felt so lucky. Hmmm...she hasn't felt this drunk in a long time, either. It is time for LP to come get her and take her home.

"Hey Drunky!" LP quickly swoops in to rescue his liquored up bride. But not before they have one last dance on the piano stage, posing for the paparazzi-like Aunts.

The Aunts are not ready to go, so they bid their farewells to Gigi and the other girls, proclaiming "Youth is wasted on the young. Now let's hear some Jimmy Buffet!"

- Gigi and Shakira 04.20.06