Radler decides to have her ration of Radler and then has to switch to water. The Timo, however, keeps ordering beers. He's telling many many stories, most of which I'm politely listening to, while Radler doesn't pretend. She's not paying attention to him at all. She's helping me check out the scenery.

"That's the kind of girl El Dilector likes," I say, pointing out one of the waitresses.

When El Dilector arrives later, The Timo points out said waitress and El Dilector freaks out.

"She has a man face!"

"Ooops. Sorry. I didn't mean it like that."

When I catch up with Dodi later, he says that he doesn't want to interrupt me and my parents. I almost choke on my beer.

"My parents?! That's my sister and her husband!" I tell him, and Dodi looks sheepish.

"Can I buy them a round?"

We return to the table in time to see The Timo and Radler dancing in their seats. "Sweet Home Alabama" is cranking from the speakers, and though The Timo is from Georgia, he figures it's close enough. Wow! These kids can really bust a move! The Timo points at Radler.

"This girl is 5 ½ months pregnant! Doesn't she rock?!"

In fact, the whole bar is rocking to "Sweet Home Alabama." It's funny how much they enjoy songs about the good 'ol U S of A. What's even better is that the songs they most enjoy are about shitty states like Alabama and West Virginia. When "Take Me Home Country Roads" blares on next, I wonder if anyone really understands what John Denver is singing about. Nope, from the looks of them shaking their tail feathers, they don't know and don't care.

Uh-oh, more crazy Brits in the house. A whole group of them is putting on what appears to be a Chippendales routine, yet lucky for all of us, they're still mostly clothed. And Crazy Brit I has set his sights on me, as I am dragged from my chair to dance to Grease.

"I hate this movie!" I'm screaming as Crazy Brit I whirls me around the floor. Our
swing-esque dancing is a bit sloppy, folks, but the audience is eating it up.

I attempt to sit down after the first Grease song, but The Timo dumps me out of my chair into the waiting arms of Crazy Brits I and II. They have a new idea—let's do some cheerleading moves! With their assistance, I'm contorted into a position called the Scorpion that I used to do at the top of a pyramid. I'm reminded of how long ago it was that I was seventeen.

As The Timo and Radler leave, Radler winks at Dodi and me and says, "What happens on the third floor stays on the third floor."

I'm sitting with Dodi—okay, I'm sort of sitting ON Dodi—as the lights come up, signifying the end of the night. Some guy walks by and says to him, "Well done Cassanova."

Huh. Well. Good night Kitzbuhel!

-Shakira 01.24.04