 
21
Non-Addictive Things I Think I've Been Addicted To
It
always used to irritate my ex husband that I could eat the same
things for weeks at a time and be perfectly happy. He thought
this meant I had an addictive personality. I scoffed at him, insisting
I was normal, while he was the Grinch at my Christmas in
Whoville. But when I repeated our disagreement to a coworker
and gave her some examples, she eyed me strangely and told me of
a movie about a woman who is all into chocolate, loving it and needing
to eat it every day...and somehow this leads her into becoming a
raging heroin addict! Like the chocolate was one of those
"gateway" substances. Good God! So I became
worried and started trying to manage my addictions. And I
did pretty well for a while. But lately I've noticed myself
falling back into addictive behaviors. What the hell is wrong
with me??? I blame the children. This time I'm addicted
to Luna bars, Yogi tea, and repeats of Dharma and Greg (what can
I say, I don't have cable...). And since I'm totally addicted
to making inane lists...well, here we go:
Childhood Addictions
1. Spaghettios - My babysitter
let me eat these
every day for lunch. It drove my mom crazy. I had to
kick the habit in college, when I made them for dinner for my boyfriend
and he insisted we throw them away and go get "real food".
2. Grape Gum - I think this stuff
is nasty now.
3. Froot Loops - I used to string the deliciously
colorful loops and wear them around my neck, so that I always had
them with me in case of an emergency snack attack.
4. The Josie and the Pussycats' theme song - I
taped this song off of the tv and played it every morning for inspiration.
It's a very inspiring song.
5. Casey Kasem's American Top 40 - This was some
good shit in the 80s. My brother and I simply HAD to listen
to it every Sunday. The long distance dedications always made me
a little teary.
6. Little House on the Prairie - I have mentioned previously
that I had such a big crush on Pa.
I don't even want to know what this indicates about me.
Teen Addictions
7. Cherry Coke - I drank this every day for like
two years. I'm surprised that I still have teeth.
8. General Hospital - Oh man, I loved this show
and watched it every day after school! It's where I was introduced
to Mr. Squintastic himself...Jack Wagner.
9. The Spenser Series of detective novels - I think
I may have chosen to go to college in Boston because I loved these
books so much. I still love them. I don't care if they
are all basically the same story over and over. Hey, it's
a good formula he's got going on. And Spenser is really
sexy in that sexy fictional characterish sort of way.
10. Chocolate glazed munchkins - I ate these every
day when I was a nanny in the summer after my senior year of high
school. My friend Racer Dee and I also used to dampen them
and throw them on x-boys' cars, 'cause they looked like poo when
wet. I can't believe I just admitted that in print.
11. Purple Saurus Rex Kool-Aid - This was a yummy combo
of lemonade and grape Kool Aid. Delicious!
I tried adding vodka, which thus christened it Pukle Saurus
Rex. And that's how I kicked that addiction...
12. Making collages - I was all obsessed with making
collages in high school. I had major insomnia and I'd stay
up all night cutting and gluing pictures. It was cute, in
a "Girl, Interrupted" sort of way. I still make
collages, but now I try to pass them off as art.
Adult Addictions
13. Women's Fashion Magazines - I've mostly kicked
the habit now. It's the same articles every time! They
make good collages, though.
14. Peggy Lawton's Choco-Chip cookies - These are
a New England thing, I think. They are 3 crunchy cookies wrapped
in cellophane. Perfection! But I can never find them
anywhere when I've visited the Northeast in the past few years.
And I've scoured the internet and can't find a place to order
cases of them. This KILLS me. WHO IS HIDING THE COOKIES?
15. Dunkin Donuts' Vanilla Iced Coffee - They had
this in Boston, but not in Texas. What the FUCK?? I had to
go cold turkey when I moved here, and it sucked.
16. Mentos - I was especially addicted to these
in grad school. The minty
goodness and threat of choking kept me awake during boring library
science classes.
17. Stupid Talk Shows - What can I say? I
just have to know who the baby daddy is!
18. Frapuccinos - I loved these for a while and then I
hated them. Now I'm neutral.
19. Slurpees - These are still a raging addiction
for me. I dream of Slurpees. Mmmm...so cool and good, and
they have a little kick to them with the fizz. Why are there
no 7-11s near my library?????
20. Three's Company reruns - When I lived with
Shakira we watched this every night. Often with light
and refreshing vodka tonics in hand. And soon I'll be living
the show!
21. Lifetime Movies - If these
are wrong, why the hell would I wanna be right?
-Gigi 09.03.03
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