What is UP With This 80s Tune?

Yesterday I was listening to the Jammin' Oldies station.  It hurts me that 80s tunes are considered oldies, but whatever.  I'm jammin'!  Anyway, the song "We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off" came on, much to my delight.  Remember that song?  I thought it was a Shalimar song, but I was mistaken.  Turns out it's by Jermaine Stewart, and from the album Frantic Romantic.  Well I guess he can't be too frantic, since he's putting the kibosh on the clothing removal.  Jeez, I don't think I'd heard that song since....band camp!  It wasn't "that one time at band camp", you sickos.  And stop laughing at me about going to band camp.  Is it more pathetic that I was a twirler and didn't even play an actual instrument?  Yeah, probably...

Anyway the song came on, and it's kind of a peppy tune.  I squealed with delight and cranked it up.  I no longer have any shame about music.  My windows were down, beyotch!  And I was witness to lyrical gold.  If by "lyrical gold" you mean awesomely bad lyrics, then you know what I'm talking about. 

"We don't have to take our clothes off to have a good time."  Hehe, sure Jermaine.  Let's play Scrabble!  Some brilliant advertiser should buy this song and use it in board game commercials to target tired or revirginized. Gen X-ers: "The alternative to nude fun...play Trivial Pursuit." 

Was Jermaine gay or crazy religious or something?  Because the GIRL is the one who wants to get it on and he's all, "a man wants to be approached cool and romantically."  What alternate universe is this?  Maybe he doesn't have a penis. 

"We could dance and party all night. And drink some cherry wine. Uh-huh!"   Uh-huh.  I have to say, after all of that dancing and cherry wine, you know my clothes would be coming off.  No doubt about it.  Maybe he's reverse psychologizing his date.  "Oh, we don't have to get naked...now drink your wine cooler, baby."  Men are tricky bastards.

Gigi 05.10.04